25 August 2008

If I could turn back time...

Almost six years after it left the airwaves, I became a fan of the TV show FELICITY (thanks NetFlix!). In this drama about college student angst, the main character, Felicity (played by Keri Russell) spends four years trying to make a choice between two men: Noel (played by Scott Foley) and Ben (played by Scott Speedman). At the end of four years and graduation, the producers/writers throw the viewers a curve and Felicity is given the opportunity to go back in time to a pivotal incident, make a different choice and see how it all pans out. (I have 4-5 more episodes to go, but it ain't looking so good.)

This weekend, an ex-boyfriend of mine was in town. For over 20 years, we've had a tumultous, back and forth, forth and back, type of relationship. We are still really good friends, but we have both moved on. He is now married and living in Jamaica. But he was in town because his father recently overcame a year long medical crucible and the family was gathering for a big celebration. [I'm telling you, his father is a medical miracle! One year ago, he weighed less than 75 pounds and the doctors were encouraging the family to consider hospice for him - and yet, on Sabbath, he stood before his church and gave his testimony about the goodness of the Lord - but I digress]

Anyway, as my mother and I visited with the family after church on Sabbath, the question came up about why he and I never got married - why our relationship never made it past the courtship stage. I mean, we never would have had any in-law issues - his parents love me and my mother thinks he is the most wonderful person ever; his brothers love me and have always considered me their "sister"; all the parents get along and enjoy spending time with each other. But there are reasons why we are not together. Good, valid, important reasons. Of course, he has his version of why we are not together and I have mine - isn't that always the case?] And while our lives have taken very different paths, it was interesting (FOR A MOMENT) to play the "what if" game. What if we had gotten married? What if some of the choices we made back in the late '80s/early 90's had been different? Would he still be in the church? Would I still be living in Atlanta? Would we have had children? LOTS of questions.

But the reality is this: unlike the TV show FELICITY, in real life, you don't get to go back and "re-do" your life. You don't get to see what would have happened "if". You pretty much have to suck it up. You have to live with/accept the choices that you made in life and as much as possible, be happy with those choices. This ex played a very important part in my life for YEARS (decades even) and as I said, we remain friends and he (and his family) will always be important to me and have a very special place in my heart and my life - but time marches on - and you have to accept the consequences of the choices you make.

It was good to see him.

It was good to see him go.

Be blessed.

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