ON HIS TERMS

...for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God... - Exodus 20:5

There's a feature on my smartphone that I use every day, generously and without apology.  It's the MUTE feature for the ringer on my phone.  I work an alternative work schedule and so that means when most people are awake, I'm asleep (or trying to go to sleep) and when most people are asleep, I am wide awake.  And while I try to be mindful of this fact and not call my friends at 4:00 in the morning when I may be bored or otherwise unoccupied at work, my phone constantly rings during "normal business hours" because either people "forgot" what my work hours are or they just don't know (solicitors, telemarketers who have somehow slipped through the "no-call" phone lists cracks).  While having my phone on mute 24/7 works for me, it doesn't always work for people trying to get in touch with me - just ask my brother.  But as I tell my mother all time, my phone is for MY convenience, not the convenience of the people trying to reach me.  My phone.  My terms.

Everything has its own set of "terms and conditions."  When you get your drivers license, one of the "terms" of getting one is an unstated agreement with the State issuing the license that you will abide by the laws of the land when it comes to traffic safety, speed limits, red lights, stop signs, etc.  Now, if you live in certain cities (i.e., Atlanta, Los Angeles, Chicago, New York), it's obvious that every driver behind the wheel doesn't adhere to this "unstated agreement", but that's a blog for a different time and place.

When you download applications or services on your phone, Smart TV or other devices, there are always terms and conditions that you must agree to that govern your use of the application or service that you are signing up to use.  If you are like most people, you don't actually READ the terms or conditions because all you are really interested in is getting to use the app or service as quickly as possible.  I know that I am guilty of this (even though, since I work in a legal environment, I really should know better.)

And I am sure that every child, teenager, or young adult still living at home has heard their parent(s) say on at least one (if not one hundred) occasion(s), "As long as you are living under my roof ..." You know the rest.  Their terms and conditions for free access to the refrigerator, hot water, electricity and other amenities. [By the way, when you grow older, if you move your parent(s) into YOUR home, that saying doesn't work on them.  In fact, if you try it, they just look at you like you have lost your mind and say, "Kristina, I don't care if this is YOUR house, I'm still your mother."  (Or maybe, that only happens in my world.)]

I am currently reading through (ok, listening to) the Bible (again) and I'm in the middle of the book of Numbers currently.  As I listened to the instructions that God gave the children of Israel as they built the sanctuary, as they took the first census, as they set up their government structure, as they gathered and ate the manna that was provided to them on a daily basis (well, six out of seven days of the week) ... God was very exacting in His "terms and conditions" on how He expected His children to follow, obey and serve Him.  When He stated that He was a "jealous" God in His commandments to the Israelites (and to us), He wasn't talking about the relationship-stalking kind "jealousy" that we tend to think of jealousy as being - well, not exactly.  

When God says He is a jealous God, He is basically setting the "terms and conditions" for His relationship with us.  Now, we all should know that the ceremonial laws regarding the sacrifices in the sanctuary were all done away with by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross.  But that doesn't mean that God doesn't still expect certain things from those of us who claim a relationship with Him.  We are supposed to approach God with reverence and recognize His authority in and over our lives.  We are supposed to bring Him our best and not treat Him casually or like we treat the unimportant things in our lives.  And while we are invited to have a relationship with Him, we should always be mindful that He is Who He is - our loving, awesome, creative, marvelous, self-sacrificing, jealous and giving Creator, Redeemer, Savior, Lord and God.

He is a jealous God with "terms and conditions" firmly rooted in His love for each of us.

Be blessed.
© 2018 Kristina E. Smith

HE KNOWS MY NAME

Decades ago, I received a birthday greeting from then President Ronald Reagan.  A friend of mine had a friend who worked at the White House and somehow, my name got on a list and that November, I received a birthday card with a rubber stamp of the President's name on it.  Not a supporter of that President at the time, it was ... nice ... but I have no idea where that card is now and I am the saver of all things important in my life.  [I think I mentioned once before that my brother calls me a "borderline hoarder"]  A few years ago, I got a similar rubber stamped "thank you" from the desk of First Lady Michelle Obama for some innocuous gift that I sent.  I am a HUGE fan of Mrs. Obama (and her husband) and therefore, this missive brought great joy to my heart and I immediately placed it in a special place so that I would never lose it, could always pull it out to look at it if I wanted to ... you get the drift.  But regardless of my reaction to the receipt of each of these items, the reality is I only got these items because someone, somewhere, entered my name into a database and the card was printed.  Ronald Reagan has no idea that he sent me a birthday greeting at some point in the 80s and Michelle Obama, no matter much I might WISH she knew my name, wouldn't know me from anyone else she might pass on the street on a sunny day in DC.  

Social media can be the same way.  We connect with people as "friends" and "followers" and chase after "likes" and "hearts" - but we don't really know the people on the other end of the computer.  [I am referring to the strangers that we connect with, not real-life friends, family and acquaintances - although, in reality, this might apply to some of them as well]  Even if we read their blogs or send direct messages back and forth, we only know the persona that they present to the world, not the real person behind the screen name.

This became crystal clear to me earlier today.  I was fooling around on Instagram and read a post from a "friend" where she was talking about a situation that she found herself in.  [Full disclosure:  we are only connected because of a daily photo challenge that we each participate in.  We have exchanged a few comments on each other's posts and maybe one of two direct messages, but nothing significant]  Back to the story: In her post, she was basically giving a testimony that, even though she was in the midst of a challenge and didn't know how it was going to turn out, she was putting her faith and trust in God that He would bring her through it.  That even if the trial didn't turn out the way she wanted it to, that He must have a lesson for her to learn and she was going to be open to learning it because she trusted Him and His plan for her life.  It was a lovely thing to read and of course, I responded with a message of friendship and a promise of prayer.  But when I went to pray for her, I realized that, because of how her IG identification was set up, I didn't know her real name. I only knew her screen name and it was basically linked to her business venture.  I know she lives in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, but that's about it.  How am I supposed to pray for someone when I don't know their basic information?  

Here's the beauty of serving the God that we serve.  It doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter if I don't know her name - HE DOES!  He not only knows her name, He knows her situation. He knows her level of faith. He knows what she can handle and what she can't. He knows the outcome of her challenge already - even as she is going through it. 

HE. KNOWS. 

So, as I prayed to Him, I confessed that I didn't know any of these things, but I knew that He knew and that was enough for me.  Jeremiah 1:5 states, Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.  In other words, we are NOT here by accident.  We are NOT here all alone.  We are a part of His plan and He knows us ... individually, personally, intimately.  We are not a part of a cookie-cutter assembly line of people that all look the same and that are all satisfied with a "rubber stamped" card on our birthdays.  HE. KNOWS. ME.  Me.  Kristina Elise Smith, daughter of Rudolph and Rachel, sister to Kevin, Greg, Scott, Brian, Todd and Nicole.  Me.  And in this crazy, mixed up, topsy turvy world that we live in, that knowledge gives me a foundation, that knowledge gives me peace, that knowledge gives me what I need to face the challenges in my life.  

I pray that knowledge gives you all of that and more. 

Be blessed.
© 2018 Kristina E. Smith

BEFORE AND AFTER

Behold, I am doing a new thing, now it springs forth.  Do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the dessert.  - Isaiah 43:19

I am NOT a gardener.  I don't like playing in the dirt, I don't like bugs and beetles and worms.  I never appreciated cut flowers and thought spending money on them was a waste of time and financial resources.  But my mother LOVES having cut flowers in our home.  She feels they brighten up the room, provide fragrance and basically, they just bring her joy.  And in the 20 years that we have shared a home together, I have found out the truth in the old adage:  When Momma is happy, everybody is happy.  So, I buy her roses and carnations and lilies and other floral delights ... most of the time without grumbling (too much).

There is a floral shop not far from our home that offers a dozen roses for $10 (barring those Hallmark holidays when all of a sudden, the prices triple and quadruple) and often, usually on Fridays, I will go in there and buy one or two dozen flowers and then use basic arranging skills to create various vases of floral beauties to place around the house:  one in the living room, one in her bedroom and one on the kitchen table.  With proper trimming of the stems, changing of the water and just general loving care, the flowers can last for two, sometimes three weeks, making the financial outlay a worthy investment.

But one day, I was shopping in a local grocery store and noticed, off to the side, a sad little bucket of flowers that were on their last floral legs.  Not worth selling at full price, they still were not "dead", and for little or nothing (I have paid as little as $1.99 for a dozen flowers), the flowers can be taken home to spruce up a dinner table for the weekend.  However, I have found that with just a little bit of loving care - pruning the dry, dead places off the bottom of the stems, adding some floral food to some warm water, putting the flowers in a cool and sunny place - the flowers seem to perk up and embrace a new life.  As pictured above, when I purchased my bouquet on Friday, these little accent plants were drooping and seemed almost dead.  I debated throwing them away immediately, but thought that the droopiness added another level to the arrangement and just figured if they started turning brown later in the week, I would throw them away when I changed the water.  Imagine my delight and surprise when I went upstairs on Sabbath morning and noticed that the flower was standing upright, and that even the leaves were perky and pointing upward.  I couldn't believe the overnight transformation that had been made.

Isn't that just like the transformation we personally experience when we are shown love, kindness and attention?  I am not only speaking of the benefit we receive from the restorative, transforming love of Jesus Christ, but often just a kind word or smile from a loved one - or even a passing stranger - can make us perk up, stand straighter and lift our chins heavenward.  I don't know about you, but a random stranger complimenting me on a scarf that I am wearing or an outfit I put together or even the smile that I have on my face - all of that, can turn a gloomy drab day into a bright, sunny, more glorious day.  I know when I have extended myself and complimented someone in this same manner - especially if they are a stranger to me - they pause for a moment as if processing what I am saying and then, a smile spreads across their face as they express their gratitude.  It has also been my experience that you never know when a kind word or a smile or just a random, genuine act of friendship can make all the difference in someone's life.  Try it.  Random acts of kindness not only enrich the lives of those you shower the kindness upon, but they also enrich your life because of the good feelings you get for doing so.

We all have been in a "before" state - droopy, listless, left for dead in a floral bucket at the grocery story.  Maybe you are in the middle of one right now. I pray that you soon experience your "after" state - restored, full of life and allowing the beauty that is within you to shine through as a blessing to all with whom you come in contact.

Be blessed.
© 2018 Kristina E. Smith

HIDDEN BLESSINGS

As I previously told you, I am in the midst of a Winter Purge.  My entire living area has been transformed by the attention I have given it and I am feeling very proud of my accomplishments.  This is one "stay-cation" that has not been a total "waste of time".  However, there have been some unexpected blessings from my labors.

I expected a cleaner abode and a more organized filing system.  I expected to find "lost" pictures and cards or letters from unexpected sources.  I expected to locate souvenirs and mementos from my travels that I'd forgotten about.  What I didn't expected to find was all the dust!  Just kidding.  What I didn't expect to find was monetary blessings in various forms and in sundry locations.  

In a pencil case holder, I found fifteen (15) silver certificate dollar bills.  According to Internet, these dollars bills were issued for a limited time period and were backed by silver bullion, as opposed to our current currency which is backed by the “full faith and credit” of the U.S. Government.  Further research shows that there is a small premium paid for these dollar bills over their face value - if they are uncirculated and in good condition.  Current wisdom is that I take them to a coin collector and get them appraised for value.  In two separate places, I found $2 bills totaling over $20.  And in two other places, I found over $30 in golden dollars, Susan B. Anthony dollars and JFK half dollars.  I guess I like to hide money from myself.  I also found gift cards from Target, Starbucks and SpaEnvy, totaling over $75.  But the biggest surprise find was a cashiers check sent to me for the Christmas holiday in 2016 for $50.  I guess I never made it to the bank and then forgot about it.  [I'll be headed to the bank first thing in the morning!]  All in all, I had almost $200 just stashed around the house, hidden and forgotten.

Now I know you must be thinking, "what kind of person has that much money just hidden in her house that she forgot about?  She must be rich!"  Trust me when I tell you, that is NOT the case.  With the $2 bills and golden dollars, there is an explanation.  There was a time when, as a way to "save" money, with each paycheck I received, I would buy $2 bills and golden dollars from the bank, in increments of maybe $10 at a time.  The golden dollars would then be passed on to cousins, nieces and other young people in my life on their birthdays as a "one to grow on" gift.  And the $2 bills would be given whenever a baby in my life turned two.  So, there was a method to my madness ... it's just that in time, I either paused in doing this, or hid the money in a different place and then forgot about the original hiding place.  Rest assured, with this Winter Purge [almost] behind me, all the money has been gathered together in a single "hiding" place and won't be forgotten again.

All this got me to thinking though:  there have been times in my life when I was "strapped" for cash - waiting for payday or some other monetary windfall - eating beans and rice and ramen noodles - forgoing outings with friends or meals outside the home because money was "tight".  And all the time, the money was there - in the house, in my reach - available to me if I'd only remembered where I'd placed it.

How many times have the blessings of the Lord been available to us if we would only have the faith we need to "remember" where they are located.  By this I mean, if we only remember how He had blessed us in the past, we could have then reached out in faith to take the blessings that are waiting for us.  How many blessings do we receive every day and take for granted - not only life, physical and mental health, strength, food, shelter and clothing - the things that (I hope we) pray for on a daily basis - but the "unseen/hidden" blessings of safe travel to and from; a job that not only pays the bills, but provides for some of our wants on top of all of our needs; friends and family who pray for you, support you and love you in spite of; and just the blessing of God's love for us, which is confirmed for us each day that we open our eyes from sleep.  

The amazing thing is that there are blessings that God has waiting for us that we cannot even imagine.  1 Corinthians 2:9 tells us that, But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.  One of my favorite Christian writers tells us that, when we get to heaven, God is going to show us all of the blessings that could have been ours if we had just believed and asked.  I don't know about you, but I think it's time that we ask God to open our eyes to see what He has for us.  He has not hidden His love, grace, mercy and blessings.  We just have to accept them into our lives.  My goal for 2018 is to open my eyes and be more receptive and open.  What about you?

Be blessed.

© 2018 Kristina E. Smith

PS:  Photo taken by me when I found the second stash of $2 bills.

THE FIRST SABBATH OF THE YEAR

"Give unto the Lord the glory due unto His name; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness."  Psalms 29:2

Today marks the first Sabbath of 2018.  A brand new start.  A new beginning in my (and your) relationship with Christ.  Time to shake off whatever needs to be shaken off from 2017 and move forward.  New devotional studies.  New prayer lists and journals.  New, new, new.

The start of a new year is always a good time to stop, reflect and evaluate your life, and this includes your spiritual life as well.  It is a good time to see how God has blessed you in the year gone by, reflect on the challenges and trials that He brought you through, remember the loved ones you lost and rejoice in the new friendships formed.  It is an excellent time to renew your commitment to serve and minister in His name.  

I have spent a lot of time in the last week or so reading the social media posts of my friends and acquaintances who have shared about the difficulties they faced in 2017 and how they are looking forward to moving into the New Year with new hopes and expectations and desires.  I don't remember 2017 being an extremely hard year in my life.  Yes, there were some mis-steps and disappointments along the way, but overall, it was a pretty good year.  [It was an EXCELLENT year for my mother, who celebrated her 75th birthday ALL. YEAR. LONG.!!! But that's a blog story for another day - or may even be a whole 'notha book all by itself!]  I know I am blessed in that regard.  And let me tell you, where 2017 went out like a lamb, 2018 is roaring in like a lion!!

There have already been many challenges to this New Year.  Three losses in death in the past week.  A medical diagnosis of a beloved relative that set me back on my heels.  Hot water heater woes in the midst of frigid temperatures.  Back issues.  I could go on, but I have learned that when I focus on my BLESSINGS, the trials and challenges don't seem so ... challenging.  So, here are the blessings that I have already acknowledged and received for the New Year.  

1.  I started the year with my nuclear family healthy, whole and intact.  I am 53 years old and I count it a blessing above all blessings that BOTH of my parents are still alive and in good health relative to their age (they both turned 75 in 2017).  All of my siblings are still alive and doing well, and my brother, Kevin, showed up on my doorstep at midnight on New Years Eve to ring in the new year with my mom and I.  My "bonus mom", Brenda, is a blessing in my life and takes excellent care of my father, for which I am extremely grateful. There are several families that moved into the new year without a loved one in the family circle.  I am blessed.

2.  While I suffered through the crisis of no hot water for 5 long days, I recognized even through that experience, that I was blessed to have a home that had electricity and heat and a refrigerator (freezer and pantry) filled with food.  I might not have had running HOT water, I still had WATER and pots to fill and boil to make hot water as necessary.  There are millions of people in this world who do not have access to clean water.  I should not complain about the minor inconvenience I suffered.  (and I really tried not to).  I am blessed.

3.  I have been employed on my job for 17 years.  It is a good job.  Not too taxing.  My co-workers are great to work with and I am blessed to have relationships with most of them outside of the workplace.  It pays well and the money is used to provide my mother and myself with a home and transportation and food and clothes and trips and ... the list goes on and on.  Even though unemployment in the United States is low, there are plenty of people who want to work who cannot find jobs or are "under-employed" and even though they work every day, they still find it a struggle to provide for all of their basic needs and wants.  I am blessed.

4.  I am in good health   While I am diabetic, my recent lab results were better than they have been in a long while.  While I am not "dieting", I am striving to make dietary changes that will have better health results.  While I am not "exercising", I am taking steps towards better health with more mobility in my daily routines.  While I have not completely given up sweet tea, I am attempting to drink more water on a daily basis.  [Baby steps y'all, baby steps.]  Worldwide, people are facing health crises of obesity, diabetes, heart disease and other illnesses and diseases because they do not have access to adequate, healthy food choices and medical care.  I am blessed.

5. I live in a country where the overlying political policy is democracy.  While the political events that have taken place in the United States since mid-2016 to present, have turned my stomach on a daily basis, I still recognize the blessing of living in a country where I have the right to vote.  Where I can express myself and my political approval or disdain without fear of imprisonment or death.  [That may soon change the way things are going, but for right now ... I'm going to count this as a blessing]

6.  I love and serve a LIVING God Who surely sees everything happening in this world and is making plans, even now, to come back, fulfill His promise, redeem His children and take us back to heaven to live with Him. [John 14:1-3]  Each year as I grow older, I recognize the blessing in having access to the Word of God, having knowledge of His love for me and even though, at times, I am cavalier with that knowledge, I fail to pray and study and commune with Him as I should - even when I act more like the spawn of the other guy than like His "favorite child" - He is patient and kind and loving and accepting when I crawl back to Him asking for His love and forgiveness.  I am blessed.

I could go on and on and on about the blessings of the Lord in my life.  As you read mine, I pray that you are thinking the blessings in your life:  about how, even if you had a "difficult year" in 2017, God blessed you - you made it to 2018, that is a blessing right there!  It is my sincere hope and prayer that as we move through 2018, we take advantage of the opportunity we have been given to "get it right" with the Lord.  It is my desire to draw closer to Him this year - to truly be a representation of His love, grace and mercy to all who I encounter along the way.  I look forward to the celebrations [weddings, graduations, births] ahead.  I cannot wait to shout about the victories over illness, depression, whatever challenges the enemy has planned for our lives.  [And believe me, he's planning some stuff, but nothing will come our way that God is not already preparing us to handle]  Pray for me, and if you see me messing up, ... pull me aside and let's talk and pray about it together.

Be blessed!
© 2018 Kristina E. Smith

PS:  Photo taken by me early one morning during Mom's birthday trip to Aruba in May 2017

RIVER ROCKS

That this may be a sign among you, that when your children ask their fathers in time to come, saying, What mean ye by these stones? - Joshua 4:6

Years ago, I was a member of a Bible study group that met on Friday evenings to read and discuss a book entitled DESIRE OF AGES by Ellen G. White.  This book explores and discusses various aspects of Jesus Christ's life and ministry while He lived here on earth.  At the end of the Bible study, one of the members gave each of us a polished rock, similar to the ones in the photo attached.  With it, she gave a note with the attached verse and a message saying that she wanted each of us to have a stone - not only to remember our Bible study experience together, but to also remember how God is always with us and how He always brings us through.

It has been a long time since I have written on this blog.  When I gathered up my favorite blog postings and self-published them in a book a few years ago, I somehow lost my way - my love for writing - my "daily" insights into why I feel/proclaim I am God's Favorite Child.  I don't know, the "pressure" to write after the book just became overwhelming.  While I was humbled and encouraged by the comments of support from readers of the book, I guess I felt that, where before I just wrote from my heart, without really considering who was reading or even the impact of my words on them, now there was an expectation that every blog posting would be deep and profound and spiritual.  Basically, I put ME and my feelings/demands/expectations in front of God's purpose for my life and for this blog.

In the past two years of not writing, a lot has happened.  A LOT.  But through it all, God has been (and always is) faithful to His Favorite Child.  As 2018 approached, I read lots of stories on Instagram (I gave up Facebook in October 2016) about the challenges of 2017 and how people were glad the year was over and how they hoped that 2018 would be better.  Goals they were setting, things they wanted to achieve, plans they were making.  And I realized that the time had come for me to write again.  Not only in my personal journal, but here - in a more public forum.  

So, why the rocks?  The story in the Bible of the children of Israel crossing the River Jordan as they FINALLY entered the Promised Land gives me hope for the coming year.  For 40 years, the children of Israel had been on a journey that many Biblical scholars estimated should have only taken weeks.  FORTY YEARS!!!  That's a long time to be wandering around a desert with your destination in sight, right beyond your grasp.  As they finally gained the victory, as they were finally crossing the River Jordan to enter the land God promised them, their leader, Joshua, made a profound statement.  He told the leaders of each tribe to pick up a stone.  HUH?  Pick up a stone, he said, and when your children ask you "What is the meaning of these stones?", you will tell them the story of how God brought you through the River Jordan on dry land.

There are a lot of spiritual lessons in this story, but here are my favorites:  1) By their very nature, children are inquisitive, but they also have short memories.  Joshua knew that even though some of the children he was thinking about were in the crowd that very day, in time, they would forget the miracle of walking through the middle of the River Jordan on dry land.  The altar made of the stones would prompt their curiosity and they would ask, giving their elders a chance to recall and tell the story of God's glory.  By telling the children, the elders would be reminded.  2)  Memories should have tangible evidence.  Whether you take a picture, record a video, keep the ticket stub or theatre program, pick up a rock - if you don't have something tangible to remember an experience by, you tend to forget about it.  Life gets busy, it's understandable.  We need things we can touch and hold to remember things from the past.  And finally, 3) God is with us - always.  Whether we are approaching our "River Jordan", standing in the midst of it with the waters still swirling around our ankles, or we have reached the other shore and waters are slowly falling back into place - GOD IS THERE - and sometimes, we need to pick up a stone in the midst of our illness, in the midst of our spiritual crisis, in the midst of a loss ... pick up a stone and remember His faithfulness in the past guarantees His faithfulness in the present and the future.

God bless each of us as we embark on the journey we will come to remember as the year 2018.  Be blessed.

This is NOT my story

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT my story ... this is my brother's story. But as his sister, who listened in horror as he told it to me, I HAVE to say something.

When Michael Brown was gunned down in the streets of Ferguson, MO, I kept quiet. I didn't take to my blog or Facebook or anywhere else to discuss my feelings. And when I finally did, I was ... for lack of a better word, attacked ... by someone I thought I knew very well and who I thought knew me very well ... as being a racist or race baiter or some other inflammatory term that was used to try and put me in my place. After going round and round with her about it, I said, "let's just agree to disagree" and sat down and was quiet again. And then Walter Scott was killed in North Charleston, SC - and I kept quiet. Akai Gurley was gunned down in a stairwell in Brooklyn, NY and I kept quiet. In New York, Freddy Gray mysteriously broke his own spine while in police custody and eventually died from the injuries - I kept quiet. And the list of names goes on and on ... and I still kept quiet.

But then today, something happened that hit too close to home and I can no longer keep quiet. You see, today the craziness brought itself right up to my doorstep and into my heart and life. This morning, my brother rode his bike up to a drive thru window at a bank and was told that since he was not in a vehicle, they could not take his deposit and that he would have to go into the branch located in the mall to conduct his business. Ok. That's a little frustrating - he's at the window, take the money - but that's your policy, ok, I'll go inside the mall. He rides up to the mall and sees that there is no where to securely lock his bike, so he rolls it into the mall with him. He enters the bank. All of a sudden, the security guard is in his face, screaming and cursing, that he needs to get out of the bank with his bike. According to my brother (and to a little old lady who later came to his defense), my brother CALMLY responded, "there was nowhere for me to secure my bike outside, I will only be here for a minute, just chill out". The guard continued to yell and scream and curse at my brother - which drew the attention of other customers in the bank, who pulled out their cell phones and began recording the incident, as well as other shop owners near the bank. Now, my brother lives in the area, shops at the mall all the time and the shop owners know him to be a respectful, well-mannered customer. They also came to the bank to stand in defense of my brother. (Praise God for being raised the way we were. Our mother taught us to ALWAYS greet people with respect and this paid off today.) When the security guard continued to yell and curse at my brother, he asked to see his supervisor. Another "gentleman" came on the scene, as well as a police officer in the area. The police officer, without assessing the situation or asking any of the witnesses around my brother what happened, joins in the noise and hoopla of screaming and cursing at my brother. Now, if you know my brother, you know at this point, things got ugly and harried and potentially dangerous. Fortunately, when the security guard tried to say that he never cursed at my brother and that Kevin was the one agitating the situation, a little old lady came to his defense. Told the newly arrived "supervisor" and the police officer, that my brother had been nothing but a gentleman - had held the door open for her, and did not respond to the security guard who was originally screaming and cursing at him.

I don't know how the situation was resolved without my brother being put in the back of the police vehicle and carted away. I don't know why guns weren't drawn and shots fired. I can only credit the protective power of God and the fact that my mother calls the names of my brother (and me) every day in prayer.

As I listened to my brother tell his story, he was still angry. He was still cursing. He was still mad. So I had to keep quiet again to allow him to blow off the steam necessary for him to then turn around and walk into his place of employment without wanting to gun down every employee in the place who looks like and acts like the police officer and security guard that tried to hem him up because he rolled a bike into a bank. Now, I don't know about you, but I've seen other people (bike messengers, couriers, etc) RIDE their bikes into businesses and no one says a word. Was it the color of my brother's skin that prompted this security guard to react in the way that he did? Maybe. But according to my brother, the security guard that started the fight was a Black man. Only the police officer who came on the scene last was not Black. So I am not "race baiting" as I tell this story.

I am saddened and terrified by the world in which we live. A world where police officers, more often than not, are the enemy and not our friends. A world where Black men (and women) seem to have targets on their backs for every power hungry person with a little bit of ... authority with a gun strapped to their side. I cringe every time I see a video where someone not of color is allowed to spit in the face of a police officer - nothing happens - or run towards a police officer with a knife in their hand - nothing happens - BUT let a Black man run AWAY from a police officer and the police officer can shoot him 8 times in the back and say, "I feared for my life" and if not for the video of a citizen showing otherwise, would have gotten away with it. It sickens me and makes me sooo glad that I didn't bear any beautiful Black baby boys to grow up in fear of their lives.

This is not the first time my brother has had a run-in with the police. Unfortunately, I know in my heart and guts and soul, that this won't be the last. All I can do is join my mother in her prayers for his continued protection and safety until such time that he can move out of the neighborhood that he lives in, and into one where things are "better" (whatever THAT means in today's society).

I usually try to wrap up my blog postings with a scriptural lesson - a text - something that points to God. I am at a loss. Maybe it's the anger. Maybe it's the sadness. I don't know. I know I am grateful to God for protecting my brother. I have been to way too many funerals today and am not ready to don a black dress and sit on the front pew of a church and listen to people spin stories about the man they know my brother to be. I am not ready to have to support my mother through the senseless loss of her only child. I am not ready to become a campaigner or crusader against injustices found every day in our community and around the world. I'm not ready.

What I Saw

WRITING 101 CHALLENGE, Day 8: Death to Adverbs: Go to a public location and make a detailed report of what you see.

Before I detail what I saw, I have to talk about what I felt: the wind. Cooler than I expected, it surprised me and definitely influenced my experience. As someone who lives in a landlocked city, whenever I am away from a beach for an extended period of time, my imagination always pictures the ocean as a calm place with soft, warm breezes and gentle waves hitting the shore. That was not my experience on this trip. The wind was high, the waves were rough and angry, and there was a coolness in the air that chilled the body, but not my soul.

The FIRST thing I saw, as I was driving, off in the distance, was the promise of a great adventure. The thrill of being at the ocean is driving along and seeing ahead an expanse of ... nothingness ... and yet, knowing all the time that the world has NOT ended, but has just morphed from land to water. The SECOND thing I saw was the mounds of grey sand. Pushed against the shore and sidewalk in great piles of loose and yet compact grains of matter that immediately covered my bare feet and ankles. As I walked closer to the water, the sands shifted and made walking ... interesting. Past the sand was the mighty, majestic, magnificent Pacific Ocean. Not quite blue, not quite grey, the color of the water was pewterish. But it was the waves that fascinated me. Seen far off in the distance, they looked calm and undulating, but as they came closer to shore, they got larger and tipped with white foam - until they crashed against the sand with a roar. It was almost like they were angry that their journey across the ocean was ending ... here ... at my feet. When I looked up from trying to get the "perfect" photo of a wave cresting over my feet (yeah, that took a minute and I still didn't get the PERFECT picture. Luckily, I have more time before returning home to try and get it right), I could see that EVERYTHING - the families playing on the shoreline, the runners getting in one final run of the day, the bicyclists pedaling on their way to wherever they were going, the sea grasses blowing in response to the winds - EVERYTHING was bathed in the soft golden, orange glow of the setting sun over the western horizon to my right. This experience was the perfect culmination to a day of travel.

But what I really saw was the creative power of God. In a world full of chaos and disorder, standing at the oceanshore reminded that God is still in control. Every day, like clockwork, the sun rises and the sun sets. The tides roll in and the tides roll out. And this happens on a schedule set into place centuries ago when God spoke it into existence, saw it was working, and declared it "good". And if we take the time, have the inclination, and live close enough - we can experience and witness this whenever we want.

(Originally published on CREATIVE EXPANSIONS through WordPress)

FRIENDS, ACQUAINTANCES AND CONNECTIONS

Thanks to Facebook, it’s probably one of the most overused words in the English language: FRIEND. “How many “friends” do you have?” “I’ll send you a friend request” “Let’s be Facebook friends”. For some people, their friend count on Facebook is important – as if their lives, or the value thereof, is validated by the number of people with whom they are “friends”. BUT, is everyone you call “friend” really and truly your “friend”? I would submit that they are not.

Yesterday, I wrote a blog and in trying to tell my story without revealing the names of the other people involved, I kept referring to the other participants in the story as “friend”. After about the fifth or sixth use of the word in reference to the five or six different people in the story, I made a joke about having a lot of friends. But, in the back of my mind, I was thinking, is there another word I should be using to describe these people and my relationship with them? What do I really mean when I call a person my “friend”?

I’m sure Webster’s Dictionary has a well-defined definition of what a “friend” should be – a clinical, logical description of the characteristics a friend should have, but honestly, I don’t have the energy to move from where I am to go and look it up. However, I think my personal definition of what constitutes a “friend” is constantly evolving and changing. I believe that a friend is someone who knows you, knows you well, warts and all, and still wants to spend time with you and be in your presence. I think a friend is someone who not only has your phone number on speed dial, but knows it even when their cell phone is nowhere around. Someone who knows the way to your house without relying on GPS to guide them there. Someone who knows how crazy your immediate family can drive you on any given day, but listens to you tell them the stories of why they are currently driving you crazy as if they have never heard the stories before. Someone who will answer the phone anytime you call, even if it’s at 3:00 in the morning. Someone you can argue with, disagree with and yet, still love with all your heart. Someone who is consistent, steadfast and loyal in their commitment to you. Someone who knows your birthday without looking at the calendar. Someone who knows if the best way to reach you is via call, text, email or Facebook - and if there is a specific time when one way is better than the other. Someone who will pray with you, and for you, even when they don’t even know why you are asking them to pray. And let me throw something else out there: Just because someone was a "friend" years ago, doesn't automatically mean that they will be your friend years from now - or even today. Those are some pretty high standards and not everyone can, or is able, to fit that bill. In fact, if I plug all those qualifications into my relationships with people, then, even though my current “friend count” on Facebook far exceeds the 600+ mark – in reality, I can count on one hand (maybe two), the number of “true friends” I have. And if we are being honest and we turn the mirror back on me, I don’t know of many people who would say I was a “true” friend to them either.

So, what do I call the vast majority of people in my life, who add value, who make me laugh, who enrich my spirit, who I take time to hang out with and who I love and adore? I think the more proper (correct) word for them would be “acquaintances”. It’s a more casual definition of a friendship. It doesn’t have all the pressure of longevity and knowledge and personal investment. That word covers a wide range of experiences you can share with another person and can describe a variety of levels of emotional attachments to a person. I have LOTS of acquaintances. People I work with on a daily basis, but never spend time with outside of the office. People who I share a history with – childhood, academic, church fellowship – but which doesn’t extend too much past that commonality once something changes. And there are various levels of “acquaintance-ship” and there’s nothing wrong (in my opinion) with just being someone’s “acquaintance”. [There’s actually a lot less pressure in just being someone’s acquaintance than in being their friend, if you ask me] But it’s an awkward word. When you are introducing someone to someone else “Hi, this is my acquaintance, [insert name here]” doesn’t roll off the tongue like “Hi, this is my friend”. And so the word “friend” has lost some of its punch, some of its meaning, because we have dumbed it down by our overuse of the word.

Recently I was introduced to the concept of “connections”. This might be the best definition of most of our interactions with others: We are just “connected” to each other because of some mutual interest or hobby or church affiliation or geographical proximity. And it’s ok to have those relationships as well. In honesty, this word probably defines best more than half of our relationships with people. Think about the people who, as long as they are around and in your face, you consider them “friend” – but once that connection is severed (you change jobs, you move to another city, you move your church membership), you don’t think about them or call them or otherwise maintain contact. For all my Oakwood friends, that’s why at Alumni Weekend, you see someone, recognize the face, greet them loudly and with enthusiasm, and then walk away thinking to yourself, “now what was that person’s name?” That has changed (slightly) with the advent of social media, but you know you have done this in the past – and if you are honest with yourself, probably will again if/when you head to the Oaks in about a month. Nothing wrong with just being “connected” to someone, but again, you are not going to introduce them to someone else as just a “connection”.

There is a popular praise and worship song that we sing at my church, and the lyrics are: I am a friend of God, I am a friend of God, I am a friend of God, He calls me friend. Every time I hear or sing that song, I am humbled because, in reality, I know I am not worthy of the title when it comes to my relationship with God. I am not as consistent as I need to be in my interactions with Him, in my obedience to His word and commands. I know that my life does not always reflect His love and character. And yet, He still calls me His “friend”. Knowing what He knows about me – He still considers me “worthy” That is a mind-blowing concept – and a big responsibility to live up to, but with His help, I know I can do it. And so can you.

Be blessed.
©2014 Kristina E. Smith

"Have you EMBRACED ..."?

Anyone who has followed this blog for any period of time knows a few things about me: I am a diabetic foodie, who LOVES food, which (to me) is the ultimate proof that God has a sense of humor. As a result of my love of food (and my habit of late night snacks), over the last two decades of my life, I have ... blossomed ... into a "voluptuous" sister. As a child, teenager and young adult, I was (for lack of a better word) SKINNY. Looking back at pictures from that time period of my life, I often refer to myself as "a stick with boobs" or "anorexic looking" (and that was before we even knew what anorexia was). But you couldn't tell me (back then) how cute I was. Yeah, I had a bit of a vanity problem. But then, I hit the age of 30 - my metabolism slowed down AND my health took a hit which led me to have the first of two major surgeries relating to my ... "female parts". As a result of my first surgery, I was placed on Lupron, a steroidal medication that "helped" me gain ~40 pounds in about 6 weeks. And that is when I discovered the following fact: PEOPLE DON'T LIKE FAT PEOPLE. And they will be sure to let you know this - often in very unkind ways.

So, why am I even bringing this up? Earlier this week on Facebook, an ex-boyfriend of mine posed a question on his Wall: "Is fat the last acceptable prejudice since it's the only one you can do something about?" He went on to say that being a bigot or to gay bash has become unacceptable in today's society and that "fat shaming" seems to be the only prejudice that people can hold without being called into account for it. The comments that people posted were eye-opening, and it soon became very clear that if you live in America and are not a size minus zero, (especially if you are a woman) you have been a victim of "fat shaming" in one way or another.

Here's what I posted in response to his question: "Years ago, after my first surgery, when I put on over 40 pounds in a very short amount of time due to steroid medications, I found out the true HORROR of "fat prejudice". My beloved grandfather went from calling me "Sweetie Face" to "Moon Face"; my grandmother would ask me EVERY SUNDAY on our weekly call, "So, how fat are you now?"; I was asked, more times than I want to remember, when was the baby due - or told "Man! you used to be so skinny and cute"; and when I went to Alumni Weekend, I overheard someone tell a friend of mine who'd gained a lot of weight, "Man! I heard you were fat, but I didn't know you were THAT fat!" And all this stuff was said in a way like, you (as the recipient) were just supposed to smile and take it. People look at others who are overweight or plump or obese or (my new word for it) voluptuous - and make assumptions about why that person is that way, and most of the time, what you may be thinking is not the truth of the matter at all."

He responded: "I can only imagine the horror. The second part of my comment I will take up with you in private."

Never one to shy away from a "difficult" conversation, I called him up to find out what else he wanted to know. To say I was shocked by his follow up question is an understatement. "I hear what you said, but what I want to know is have you embraced your current weight situation because you seem to post a lot of pictures of your food and you talk about food a lot, so I just want to know if you have embraced, or just accepted being fat at this point in your life?" I literally had to pause, take a deep breath and count (very quickly) to ten before I opened my mouth to respond. (Even as I type this, I'm breathing kinda heavy).

Let me just say (sort of in his defense), I know my friends very well, and while that question may sound insensitive and harsh, I honestly believe that he was asking from a point of blunt curiosity and from a need to have a clearer understanding of the issue - as it relates to me. I applaud him for having enough sensitivity to NOT ask that question on the very public forum of Facebook, and for "pulling me aside" to have a private conversation about an issue that is very personal, and sometimes painful. Weight is just one of those subjects that I either don't discuss or when I do, it is in a joking, "you cannot hurt me by talking about my weight" kind of way. And I am not the only one who struggles with this. I have a friend who recently posted on her page about how she'd indulged in a Krispy Kreme donut - for the first time in MONTHS! The abuse (and there is NO other word for what happened) she received from "well-meaning friends" because she DARED to eat a Krispy Kreme doughnut was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. (ok, maybe it was more than one - but still!) Upon reading some of the comments, I immediately picked up the phone and called her so that I could talk her down off the ledge. She is a BEAUTIFUL woman, inside and out, and if she wanted to eat the whole store of doughnuts - so what! Why is it anyone else's business or concern? And why do people feel they just have the right to chime in and say whatever they want to others, in whatever way they want to say it? Because as my friend's initial post indicated, someone's weight (and whatever they did to get to that weight) is open fodder on the "I'm better than you" prejudice acceptability meter. "Fat shaming" someone is OK in today's society because OBVIOUSLY this is something that is within the person's control and since they cannot effectively control it, let's joke about it and/or make them feel ashamed (or bad about) themselves, which in turn will help me feel better about myself. But as I said earlier, making assumptions like that can be based in error. You don't know where that person is coming from, or what has led to where they appear to be now.

Back to my follow up conversation with my friend. I told him, in no uncertain terms, that a lot of my food postings are deliberate middle finger extensions to my "skinny Minnie friends" who always post about how many miles they ran in a single day, or how they are doing a cleanse for the third straight month, or how they are somehow existing by eating lettuce and drinking water - good for them, but that is not the way I choose to live my life when there is lasagna to be eaten and buttermilk bars to be enjoyed with a tall cup of coffee laden with Sweet Italian Creme creamer. I shared with him that I don't post the pictures of the salads that I eat on a regular basis, or talk about how I've changed my drinking habits to include more (and I do mean, MORE) water every day - because it's no one's business and I don't want to hear the "noise" about how much weight I've lost or how much better I should be feeling or whatever the more physically fit among my friends would love to say to me. (Oh, and for the record, CONSTANTLY commenting to someone (ok, to me) about how much weight they've lost or telling them EVERY TIME YOU SEE THEM "Girl, whatever you're doing you need to keep on doing it!" - is just as aggravating and in a way, condescending.)

But back to his question: Have I "embraced my fat"? Nope. However, I have learned that it is much more important to me that I enjoy life to the fullest - and as long as my health is not negatively impacted by my choices, that is what I intend to do. For the record, I just had a health assessment and all my numbers (cholesterol, blood pressure, fasting sugars) were well within "normal" range. While I need to work on my weight and BMI number, the nurse practitioner told me, "you are doing good. While everyone is focused on your outside, the most important thing to consider is how is the "inside" of you working - and your insides are doing just fine."

Which reminds me of a Bible text. I Samuel 16:7 (NIV) states: "The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” I, for one, am glad glad glad that God looks past my voluptuousness and sees the core of me: the heart yearning to be more like Him, despite the temptations and obstacles that I allow to come between me and reaching that goal. I wish His children would do the same.

Be blessed.

© 2014 Kristina E. Smith

My Testimony: January 24, 2014

Ever been hit – out of the blue – with some unexpected news that rocks you to the core and you wonder, “ok, now what?” Well, I got some news like that last night. It wasn’t TOTALLY unexpected (because, after all, when you are honest with yourself, you know there are consequences to everything [and I do mean EVERYTHING] that you do), but sometimes when you get the confirmation, you are still shocked.

Now, believe it or not, I’m an “ok, I can handle this” kind of girl, so while I was down, I knew I was not for the count and I went into “getting it done” mode. I started weighing the pros and cons, looking at my options, and trying to find solutions, printing out resource information about who I should call and talk to in the morning to resolve the issues – all of this, at 3:00 in the morning, when my brain was fried and probably not functioning at full capacity. Did you notice that I have yet to mention going to God in prayer about the situation? Yeah. Wasn’t the first thing I thought about doing. Shame on me.

This morning, when I woke up, I had two options: I could continue on the path of “handling it myself” or I could pause and read my morning devotion – you know, get it out of the way, check off one more item on the mental “to do” list. I decided to do my devotional before getting on the phone to handle my business. Before opening the devotional, I threw out my standard, done by rote, really don’t think about it anymore, prayer of “Dear Lord, help that what I read in my devotional will be something that I can apply to my heart and life today.” Boy! Sometimes we don’t know what we are asking in those “rote” prayers, but God does, and He answers.

Today’s scriptural verse was one I was not familiar with: Matthew 22:29. The author used the New Living Translation, which reads: Jesus replied: “Your mistake is that you don’t know the Scriptures, and you don’t know the power of God.” I was immediately struck by this – marked it with stars and everything – and was happy to read the devotional (which really was kind of a let down after the scripture, but I digress). “ You don’t know the power of God” kept resonating with me though. Of course, I know God’s power! What are you trying to tell me, God? I said my prayers and got back into “Kristina beast mode.”

My first phone call of the day, I spoke with a lovely lady named Shannon. When she first answered the phone, I was put off by her very British accent and her over the top cheerfulness. Didn’t she know I was in crisis mode? All I wanted was some answers to some very specific questions and didn’t want to spend a lot of time explaining myself over and over again. Silly me. Within five minutes, she caught on to my problem and offered me a solution that was painless, immediate and would resolve the most pressing need I had. All I could do was sit there, phone to my ear, mouth open and mental thoughts of “PRAISE JESUS!!” running through my head. She provided me the information about who I needed to contact at my employer’s office to get the ball rolling, told me how long I could expect the process to take, what penalties and fees I would be assessed – all the information I needed to make a well-informed decision before moving forward.

“YOU DON’T KNOW THE POWER OF GOD”

I don’t know why I stress myself out the way I do. God has proven Himself to be faithful, over and over and over again. Before any of this ever crossed my plate, He’d put things in place to assure me that He is always there to take care of His children, IF we will just call on His name. I mean, think about it. The devotional book I am reading has a copyright date of 2013. Having published a book, and having been part of a collaborative book, I know you are talking a lead time of at least a year before that when the author of that particular devotional wrote what she wrote. (And in all likelihood, she probably wrote it long before even then). Yet, on JUST THE DAY that I needed to read it and then see it come to fruition, it was sitting there – waiting patiently between the pages of a book. Ain’t God good?

I don’t know what you may be going through. Need to a new job. Need some financial relief. Need peace in a family/home life situation. Need healing. I don’t know. But I do know that God is all-powerful and He cares for you. Trust Him to do what He will do in your life – at the exact right time.

Be blessed! ©2014 Kristina E. Smith

My God is an AWESOME God...

I had a very interesting telephone conversation with a friend last night. She said to me, (paraphrasing): "You have a very unique way of looking at God and your relationship with Him. You say things that I have never even thought about..." Really? So, what led her to say this? What outlandish statements have I made?

1) "When I get to heaven, I need to have a conversation with God. I need to ask Him if the life I was given was the ONLY life I could have that would lead me to salvation? I mean, couldn't I have been married to Shemar or Denzel or Boris and still made it into the Kingdom?" I already know His answer: Uh, no, my child. The life you were given was the life you needed to live in order to draw you closer to Me." And I will be ok with that - AFTER my transformation - because right now, HE AND I NEED TO HAVE A TALK!

2) I also know WHEN I will have that conversation with Him: See, it is my belief that when Jesus returns to take us to heaven, there will be a 1,000 year period (known as the Millenium) where the saints of God will be able to ask any questions they have, review any books they feel they need to review (like, why did SHE make it up here when HE didn't?). All this so that we will be satisfied that God is ... well, God. And that He made no mistakes in who was saved and who was lost. [SIDENOTE: That is why I have to be sure I make it to heaven, to see for myself that my blood-stained book of forgiven sins is indeed blood-stained. Y'all don't need to know ALL my dirt.] Anyway, I figure the line to talk to Jesus is gonna be pretty long when we initially get there, so I've already put it out there that I want to talk to Him on my birthday, year 898, so we can have to conversation mentioned in statement #1 above. A pastor friend of mine, upon hearing me say this, told me, "Kristina, when you make it to heaven, you will forget all about asking God any questions." My response to him: "Maybe so, but the God Who loves me will remember for me, and on that day, He will tap me on my shoulder and say to me, 'Uh, Kristina, aren't we supposed to be having a conversation today?' - and I'll be like, "oh yeah" - and I'll ask my question, He'll answer it and then I'll invite Him to my birthday party on Pluto. [I can't wait to visit Pluto - it was always my favorite (non)planet.]

3) (and this was what prompted my friend's statement today): When I get to heaven, my mansion is going to be a beachfront mountain cabin, because I LOVE LOVE LOVE the beach and adore the mountains - so why can't I have both? Ok, here on earth, no such place exists - you don't have mountain regions next to large bodies of water. But in heaven, anything is possible. I remember having this conversation YEARS ago with my godsister, Linda, and another good friend, Sue, and them shaking their heads at my imagination, but watch! You are all invited over for a Sabbath meal in said mansion.

4) Finally, one of my favorite foods is LASAGNA. Just call me "Garfield' or as my grandparents used to call me, "The Lasagna Monster". Loves me some lasagna, and have often remarked that heaven will not be "heaven" if there is no lasagna. Now, this has prompted all kinds of debates about how we will revert to the original diet when we get to heaven (fruits, nuts, grains). But won't there be cows in heaven? Won't they still need to produce milk (meaning, I can have me some cheese) and it can be veggie lasagna, I'm good with that (since we won't be killing animals anymore). Why can't I have me some lasagna in heaven? A friend of mine hearing this said, "You know, God could work it out that there will be a tree in your yard that bears purple fruit (my fav color) that tastes just like lasagna." See! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout! He could! (Probably won't, but He could!)

All that to say this: I think we limit the awesomeness of God. I think we forget that He knows us, loves us and wants us to have the desires of our hearts - not only when we join Him in heaven, but also while living here on earth. We just have to open ourselves up to the possibilities of His power and then stand back and watch Him work it out on our behalf.

I also know this: I truly need to serve Him better to ensure that I am on the right side of salvation, so that I can prove all the naysayers to my beliefs wrong when I serve purple fruited lasagna at my birthday party on Pluto. By the way, you're all invited.

HAVING A VOICE

There is an interesting phenomenon happening across the world these days. People who never had a voice are finding their voices and are speaking out – for some, it is for the very first time; for some, it is against oppression and tyrannical dictatorships; for some, it is against abuses of all kinds: mental, physical and spiritual. People are speaking out against their governments, against big business and especially (it seems) against the current President of the United States.

Students rose up when a young man was brutally killed in the streets and all of a sudden, we had an “Arab Spring” (Summer, Autumn and Winter). A young Yemen girl, sold in marriage to someone three times her age (by her father!!), fled to a court, appealed to a judge and was awarded emancipation in a country where girls are undervalued and not appreciated.

Voices are being lifted in song, praise, poetry slams, reality shows, blogs, vlogs, Twitter feeds, Facebook pages, self-published manuscripts, YouTube videos, photographs, fashion, music, you name it, it’s being done – voices, voices everywhere.

Normally, I would applaud this liberation of the vocal (or mental) chords. And I do. Deep down in my heart. But along with this “freedom” to express (our)selves, I am noticing a disturbing trend: People tend to want everyone to listen to their voice, without extending the same right to the audience of whom they are demanding attention. The last political campaign in my beloved United States is a prime example of this. I cannot tell you how many times I had to bite my tongue when conversing with people of differing political views. They wanted to rant, rave, yell and scream at me without giving me a chance to (calmly) state my position on the matters. It appeared as if their voices mattered, but mine did not. You can only imagine how THAT went over.

And everyone knows my love of social media. But lately, even there, (maybe especially there) my voice and the voices of several of my friends are being stymied, criticized or ridiculed. It seems like people are working on the premise of “Well, ‘your’ voice isn’t the same as ‘my’ voice. So, one of these voices must be wrong, and it must be ‘yours’ because ‘mine’ is right.” People have begun using the power of their voice to become instant armchair critics of everyone else:

• “You are too critical of people, you need to be nicer.”
• “You post too many pictures.”
• “I don’t like that you are always posting inspirational quotes…nobody is THAT perfect.”
• “How come you change your profile picture every day?”
• “Why do you have so many ‘rules’ in your group page?”

For the record, for anyone who is my Facebook friend (or who otherwise have access to my page through a network of mutual friends), if you have a problem with my page, my posts, my many (many) pictures of food, cloud formations, sunsets, me – GET OVER IT!! To paraphrase a song that was popular in the 60’s: It’s my page and I’ll post what I want to. Now, mind you, I strive to be respectful of my family, friends and relatives who don’t want their pictures splashed all over Facebook – if you tell me, don’t – I won’t. I expect the same from you. (But I really am beginning to resent the automatic statement spoken almost the minute after I take a picture: "I wonder how quickly will this be on Facebook?" Believe me when I tell you - I DON'T POST EVERY PICTURE I TAKE! Geesh. But I digress...

I know you are wondering how I’m going to tie this all up in a nice, spiritual bow as I normally do in my blogs. (Yeah, so am I.) All I can come up with is this (and it’s a bit of a stretch, but here goes):

I am striving (again) to read through the Bible this year. Currently, I am in the book of Joshua, and have just finished reading how God dealt with the children of Israel (for 40 loooong years!) before bringing them into the Promised Land. Shortly after leaving Egypt, the Israelites camped at the base of Mount Sinai. It was there that God handed them the Ten Commandments, written with His own finger. In it, God basically told the Israelites, “I have chosen you to be My people and I will keep the promises that I made to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. BUT, I have a couple of rules that I want you – no, scratch that – that I DEMAND that you obey in order to reap the benefits of My blessings.” In other words, God said “This is MY page – if you don’t like it, you will be cursed.” If you think I’m making this up, check the following facts: 1) God gave them rules; 2) they broke them (over and over again); 3) therefore, they wandered for 40 years in the wilderness; and 4) finally, NONE OF THE ORIGINAL children who left Egypt (except Caleb and Joshua) made it into the Promised Land, not even Moses. See, God had a voice and He used it also.

I am not saying to squelch or quiet your voice. By no means. Use it loudly and proudly. Just be respectful of the voices of other people – and be mindful of any “rules” that might be in place.

Be blessed.

© 2013 Kristina E. Smith Tuesday, March 12, 2013

GETTING (BACK) INTO A ROUTINE

I have posted (many times before) about the value of scheduling, how I love my calendars and how important it is to have a “routine” – especially when it comes to devotional time with the Lord. Last year, I dropped the ball – and dropped it HARD! As a result, my routine got skewed. I didn’t have – ok, truth moment: I didn’t take the time to have daily time in prayer and meditation with the Lord. I didn’t write blogs focused on His goodness, grace and mercy. My focus shifted from Him to me, and that ain’t neva good. Some relationships were scratched up and bruised because I didn’t have the proper discernment to see what was actually going on behind the scenes with my friends, and probably didn’t use the greatest levels of tact as I told them how they needed to get it together. Yeah, 2012 was not my “best year ever” when it came to that. So, with the New Year, I am striving to refocus. Spending time in devotion, prayer and meditation as soon as I open my eyes. Instead of immediately reaching for the smartphone and clicking the Facebook app to see what my friends have been doing while I was asleep, I am reaching for a devotional, MORNINGS WITH JESUS, published by the wonderful people at Guideposts, and attempting (again) to read through my Bible in a year, using the YouVersion Bible application. I know we are only 4 days in, but already I see a difference. When you start the day with the Lord, your “tone” for the day is set differently than when you don’t. Of course, as soon as I get off my knees – cause you GOTTA pray every day to start your day – I jump on Facebook. (see reason above – I’m nosey like that). And usually, what I have just read in devotion, comes to the forefront on my favorite social website. For example, today my morning devotional read was talking about setting long term goals – or, as the writer said, “long time dreams.” Plans that won’t be fulfilled in a week. Plans that are gonna take faith and trust and reliance on the Lord to come to fruition. As I read, I was like, “Hmm, yeah – I don’t have any of those.” Then, I jump on Facebook and one of the first posts that I read from a friend admonishes me that (paraphrase coming): “When you have a goal or a dream, keep it to yourself. The greatest asset your opponent has over you is gaining knowledge of your intentions. The greatest strength you have over your opponent is keeping your intentions to yourself. “ I agree wholeheartedly. For example, when I was deciding in 2011 to publish my first book, I kept mum about it. Very few people, including my mother – who I live with! – knew what I was doing. The five women who helped me proofread the “final” draft were pretty much sworn to secrecy, and even within my circle of friends, it was a surprise to them when I just handed them the actual, bound copy of the book. My mom asked me, “Why didn’t you tell me?” and my response was, “I didn’t want you all up in my head, asking ‘How is it going? Have you heard from the publisher? When is it going to be released?’” Some goals you have to keep to yourself. So, why am I putting it out there that I want to have a closer walk with the Lord this year? Why set myself up for the comments that are sure to come: “Are you still doing that prayer and devotion thing every morning?” Because, sometimes, you need to be accountable to someone other than yourself. In Romans 15:14, it states: And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another. And in Exodus 17:8-12, we are given the example of Aaron and Hur, who held up Moses’ hands whenever he got tired, so that the Israelites could prevail in their battle against Amalek. In other words, it is my hope and prayer that, as I move through the year, if I falter, YOU will be there to “hold up my hands”, “hold my feet to the fire”, and encourage me to get back on track. In return, if you ask me to, I will do the same for you. ‘Cause the only way any of us is gonna make it through whatever lies ahead in 2013, is at the feet of Jesus. Be blessed. ©2013 Kristina E. Smith

DIVINE APPOINTMENTS

I am a big fan of the essay series, THIS I BELIEVE. I keep saying I am going to submit an essay, but am not sure which “truth” about my life and belief system is the core foundational belief that supersedes every other belief. I believe in the theory of reciprocity. I believe I am “the” Favorite. I believe in the power of music – and food – and coffee. I believe the life is too short to keep people in your life who make you cry. And as Kevin Costner famously said in his movie, BULL DURHAM, “and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.” (yeah, it’s been a while since that has been a reality in my life, but I still believe in them.) I do NOT believe in “fate”, “luck” or “coincidences.” Instead, increasingly, I believe in “divine appointments.” I believe that God puts people in our path for specific divine interactions and purposes if we will just open ourselves up to the possibilities.

For most of my life, I have never felt “comfortable” witnessing to others about my relationship with God. I have never been a person who could just pass out a track or start up a conversation with random strangers about my relationship with God and what it means to me. I tend to be more of a “let my life show my relationship” type of witnesser. That doesn’t mean that I won’t talk about God with my friends, but the random stranger – yeah, not so much. Even with this blog, I feel like I am talking to my friends who already know me (and my craziness), so it is easy to talk about it. And even though increasingly more and more “strangers” are reading my thoughts and opinions, I guess I feel like I am a step removed from the witness. But because God has a sense of humor when it comes to dealing with His Favorite Child (that would be me), He has begun placing me in situations where I am compelled to speak up and out about Him.

This past Monday, I had a meeting at the bank to refinance my home. Before meeting with the attorney who would be handling the closing, I had a brief conversation with the mortgage broker, Mr. Carter, who’d been holding my hand through the process for the last month. During the course of our interactions, Mr. Carter had become aware of the release of my book and in fact, has a copy of the book in his possession. He asked how book sales were going and chastised me for not “shamelessly promoting [yourself] and the book every chance [you] get.” With that condemnation ringing in my ears, I walked into the refinance room and spent a good 45 minutes with the closing attorney, Mr. Jones. At the end of signing my life away (again) so that Mom and I could continue to have a roof over our heads (but at a lower interest rate and therefore, lower monthly payment – woo hoo!), I casually mentioned that I’d just published a book, and handed over a marketing card. When Mr. Jones asked what the book was about, I told him that it was about my relationship with Christ and how He shows up in my life in very simple, everyday, ordinary ways, but how that in itself is extra-ordinary to me.

All of a sudden, this ruddy Irish man turned even redder in complexion and his eyes filled with tears. Very quietly he said to me, “You don’t know how much I needed to hear that. Everyone has trials in their life and I am going through a very rough time in my life right now and today has been especially hard for me. I truly appreciate what you just said to me.” I was stunned! For 45 minutes, this man had laughed and joked with me and made what could have been a tedious process “enjoyable.” I would have never guessed he was “going through” anything. And if I had stayed true to form, I would have never opened up to him about me, my book or my relationship with Christ.

But God had a different plan – for me and for Mr. Jones and even for Mr. Carter, who feed into me that I needed to “shamelessly promote” myself – which led to the conversation that Mr. Jones and I were supposed to have. I am glad that I listened to the prompting and stepped outside my normal comfort zone in order to be a blessing.

And just as I was placed in the Wells Fargo bank on Monday, recently, two of my co-workers were placed in my path to bless me when I needed it. Without going into detail, a great big “thank you” to Marques Richards and Tamara Cotton for feeding into my soul when I needed the blessings they gave to me. Even when you are “the Favorite”, you need human encouragement and consolation and when I needed it, these two people gave it to me and I am forever grateful.

As you move through your day, I encourage you to keep your eyes open for the “divine appointments” God has set up for you. You will be blessed, as will the people with whom you interact.

Be blessed.

©2012 Kristina E. Smith