ON HIS TERMS

...for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God... - Exodus 20:5

There's a feature on my smartphone that I use every day, generously and without apology.  It's the MUTE feature for the ringer on my phone.  I work an alternative work schedule and so that means when most people are awake, I'm asleep (or trying to go to sleep) and when most people are asleep, I am wide awake.  And while I try to be mindful of this fact and not call my friends at 4:00 in the morning when I may be bored or otherwise unoccupied at work, my phone constantly rings during "normal business hours" because either people "forgot" what my work hours are or they just don't know (solicitors, telemarketers who have somehow slipped through the "no-call" phone lists cracks).  While having my phone on mute 24/7 works for me, it doesn't always work for people trying to get in touch with me - just ask my brother.  But as I tell my mother all time, my phone is for MY convenience, not the convenience of the people trying to reach me.  My phone.  My terms.

Everything has its own set of "terms and conditions."  When you get your drivers license, one of the "terms" of getting one is an unstated agreement with the State issuing the license that you will abide by the laws of the land when it comes to traffic safety, speed limits, red lights, stop signs, etc.  Now, if you live in certain cities (i.e., Atlanta, Los Angeles, Chicago, New York), it's obvious that every driver behind the wheel doesn't adhere to this "unstated agreement", but that's a blog for a different time and place.

When you download applications or services on your phone, Smart TV or other devices, there are always terms and conditions that you must agree to that govern your use of the application or service that you are signing up to use.  If you are like most people, you don't actually READ the terms or conditions because all you are really interested in is getting to use the app or service as quickly as possible.  I know that I am guilty of this (even though, since I work in a legal environment, I really should know better.)

And I am sure that every child, teenager, or young adult still living at home has heard their parent(s) say on at least one (if not one hundred) occasion(s), "As long as you are living under my roof ..." You know the rest.  Their terms and conditions for free access to the refrigerator, hot water, electricity and other amenities. [By the way, when you grow older, if you move your parent(s) into YOUR home, that saying doesn't work on them.  In fact, if you try it, they just look at you like you have lost your mind and say, "Kristina, I don't care if this is YOUR house, I'm still your mother."  (Or maybe, that only happens in my world.)]

I am currently reading through (ok, listening to) the Bible (again) and I'm in the middle of the book of Numbers currently.  As I listened to the instructions that God gave the children of Israel as they built the sanctuary, as they took the first census, as they set up their government structure, as they gathered and ate the manna that was provided to them on a daily basis (well, six out of seven days of the week) ... God was very exacting in His "terms and conditions" on how He expected His children to follow, obey and serve Him.  When He stated that He was a "jealous" God in His commandments to the Israelites (and to us), He wasn't talking about the relationship-stalking kind "jealousy" that we tend to think of jealousy as being - well, not exactly.  

When God says He is a jealous God, He is basically setting the "terms and conditions" for His relationship with us.  Now, we all should know that the ceremonial laws regarding the sacrifices in the sanctuary were all done away with by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross.  But that doesn't mean that God doesn't still expect certain things from those of us who claim a relationship with Him.  We are supposed to approach God with reverence and recognize His authority in and over our lives.  We are supposed to bring Him our best and not treat Him casually or like we treat the unimportant things in our lives.  And while we are invited to have a relationship with Him, we should always be mindful that He is Who He is - our loving, awesome, creative, marvelous, self-sacrificing, jealous and giving Creator, Redeemer, Savior, Lord and God.

He is a jealous God with "terms and conditions" firmly rooted in His love for each of us.

Be blessed.
© 2018 Kristina E. Smith

YOU ARE A GIFT

Yesterday, I attended the funeral of the gentleman I previously wrote about in the blog titled:  WHEN WE ALL GET TO HEAVEN.  It was a dignified and quiet service, reflective of the gentleman being laid to rest.  The family of Raphael S. Barnard filed in with a few tears, but not many.  The music was somber, but uplifting.  The reflections about who he was and his impact on the lives of those gathered were short, sweet and to the point (as all funerals should be in my opinion.)  And then the pastor got up to deliver the eulogy.

He talked about Bro. Barnard and his personal experiences and interactions with him.  He spoke of the three things you KNEW about Brother Barnard if you ever spent any time in his presence:  1) He ADORED his wife, Jane, who preceded him in death; 2) He loved his family; and 3) He was  completely and totally sold out to Jesus Christ.  What nice things to say about the person we were there to honor - but more importantly, how wonderful that these statements were 100% true.  Then he told us that there were two things that each death we experience teaches us:  1) Life is fleeting and we should cherish the people in our lives, while they are living, as if they are gifts from God.  (More about that in a minute) and 2) Faith teaches us that, if we believe, we will see our loved ones again.  I want to focus on the first lesson, because that is the one that resonated with me and one that I wholeheartedly embrace, or strive to, every day of my life.

Pastor John Nixon used 1 Peter 4:7-8 as his text of reference for this point - the New International Version of the Bible puts it this way:  The end of all things is near.  Therefore, be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray. Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.  Pastor Nixon expounded about how we are living in the last days of time and earth's history, and how we need to be prepared for the Lord's soon return, but he focused on the words "ABOVE ALL, LOVE EACH OTHER DEEPLY"

According to the eulogy (and I am paraphrasing and expanding on what the pastor said), death teaches us that when your loved one leaves you, whether you were "prepared" for their death or if their death was unexpected, your time with them is up.  There are no more birthday celebrations.  No more late night phone calls for advice, wisdom or guidance. No more meals shared. No more uninhibited bouts of laughter over silly things.  No more words, acts or expressions of love.  There Is No More.  That is why we need to love people, cherish people, adore people while they are here and present in our lives.  Pastor Nixon said that each person that God allows to intersect with our lives is a gift from God and should be cherished as such while they are living.

I am a firm believer in this philosophy.  Not only do I believe this to be true of myself (I am a pretty awesome friend to have, if I must say so myself - hahaha), but I believe in the value of friendship.  It is a core, fundamental principle in my life.  I believe that each person with whom you form a relationship brings value to your life (or why are you still hanging around them?)  Every true friendship should enrich your life - bring you joy - support your endeavors - applaud your successes - cry with you over your disappointments - pray for and with you as needed.  I am blessed to have many such relationships in my life and I don't take them for granted.  I strive to uplift my friends, not only on special occasions like their birthdays, graduations and anniversaries, but spontaneously and randomly, "just because" that is what I feel you should do if people are important to you.  Of course, there will be people in your life that this will NOT hold true for, but as much as possible, I try to love those people from a distance and not let them influence my overall outlook on life, love and relationships.

I once read a quote that said something like, people will be happy with you on one of two occasions:  when you enter a room, or when you depart.  It is my purpose to make people happy when they see me coming because they know that I come to them with love, support and joy in my heart. 

"Treat everyone as if they are a gift from God."  That is the message I took away from yesterday's memorial service.  That is my goal, my aim as I move forward in life.  Won't you join me?

Be blessed - and Happy Sabbath!
© 2018 Kristina E. Smith

Pencil v. Ink Pen Friends

In case you don’t know this about me, I am BIG on relationships. Friendships mean a lot to me – even when they are not mutually reciprocal or are lopsided in importance when it comes to me and the other person involved. Maybe it stems from being an Air Force brat who was constantly moving, every other year, for the first decade of my life. Kinda hard to forge lifelong friendships when that is the reality of your life. So, once I was in a “stable” place, I started forging friendships that would last an eternity. My best friend from childhood, Beth, and I have maintained a friendship since seventh grade, and I could tell you how long ago THAT was, but then I would have to inflict bodily harm – and nobody wants that.

Then when I was transplanted to New York City, my home life was one of such turmoil that, once again, I was unable to forge friendships of a lasting sort. In a recent visit back to NYC, I met with a group of high school friends who told me that when I was in high school, I was perceived as “snooty” and “stuck up”. ME?! ARE YOU KIDDING? So, I shared with them the story of my life at that time (which I never shared with anyone while living it) and it became clear(er) to them why I acted the way in high school. It wasn’t about snobbishness – it was about survival. (But that’s another story for another day).

Then came college, where at “The Oaks” (Oakwood College, now University, in Huntsville, AL), I was again able to forge friendships with men and women that have stood the test of three decades. Scroll through my Facebook friends list and I will guarantee that at least 40% of that list comprises of the names of people that I either met at the Oaks, or have made the connection with because of our mutual love of that school. (ok, maybe 50%). And then there are the friendships from the theatre, and from church, and from work, and…the lists go on and on.

Recently, I realized (again), that while I may value these friendships and relationships, they are not equally valued by the person on the other side of it. And where before the realization of that would have put me in an emotional tailspin – not so much anymore. I have come to realize that there are some people who are “pencil” friends, and some who are “ink pen” friends. And you have to know who is who so that you don’t lose your mind when dealing with them.

The “pencil” friends are the ones who only “pencil” you into their lives when it is convenient or necessary for them. You know the ones who call you up when they need your help – or advice on a restaurant to go to – or to see if you know what is happening around town – or to get travel tips on a destination spot. The ones who when you call them, they rarely answer the phone, or if they do, they “will get back to you later”, or who, when you make lunch/dinner/theatre plans, always call you the day before (if not the day of) to cancel for a myriad of excuses … I mean, reasons. You know the ones. What I had to do was recognize and realize who those friends were, accept them as they are, and then decide whether having them on the periphery of my life was necessary. Some people, I decided were – and others, I have distanced myself from them – and for the most part, they haven’t even noticed. And I’m ok with that.

And then there are the “ink pen” friends. The ones who are there for you when the chips are down. The ones who answer every phone call – even the ones at 2:00 in the morning. The ones who, when they say, “Let’s meet for lunch, I haven’t seen you in a while” actually mean it and will meet you for lunch, even if it doesn't fit in with their normal lunch routine - just because they know YOU work a nocturnal schedule and sometimes being up at 12 noon is just not do-able. (Ok, maybe that's just me). The ones who are your friends, even when it is inconvenient and/or uncomfortable to be so. The ones who champion your causes, celebrate your successes, grieve your losses and just support you when support is what you need. That is the type of friend I strive to be. Not always successfully, but I think I do better than most.

There’s nothing (necessarily) wrong with being a “pencil” friend. If that is all you can be – then, that’s all you can be. But the thing about pencils, the marks they leave on the paper of your life, eventually fade and are erased away. There might be a faint impression or a spark of memory years down the road, but it’s the “ink pen” friends that make the lasting, indelible, mark on your life.

There is one “ink pen” Friend that we all can have. You know who I’m talking about. “I will never leave you, nor forsake you” is a promise written in His book of love to His children. And I’m glad to know that when I am in the throes of depression or in the midst of a trial or suffering another heartache – when I reach out to my friends here on earth and they are not available, there is Someone who is always there to answer and listen and soothe whatever is going on. Jesus is the ULTIMATE INK PEN FRIEND. If you don’t know Him, maybe you should get to know Him. He’s a good Friend to have.

Be blessed.v ©2013 Kristina E. Smith

I KNOW THAT VOICE

Decades ago, when I was a freshman in college, I had the privilege of singing in a choral group called Blessed Peace, under the direction of Mervyn Warren and Mark Kibble, now famous for being founding members of the gospel phenomenon known as Take 6. Kibble and I developed a special relationship and years later, when their first album was released, even dated for a while. Kibble taught me almost everything I truly know about music – how to listen to it – eyes closed under headphones, listening for every nuance of the music; introduced me to artists I would otherwise be unfamiliar with (and some, even in person) ; and encouraged me to find (and use) my voice when I was quite content to be just another second soprano/first alto in a group of other voices. I think his biggest disappointment in me was when I stopped singing in venues other than my shower, bedroom and car.

On the flip side, because we spent a lot of our time in the realm of the musical world, I am very tuned in to his musicality and voice. Even after we were no longer dating, and he became the Grammy award winning vocalist, producer, and arranger that he is today – if I bought an album, CD, whatever – not knowing that he had anything to do with it – as I played it and a song came on that he’d touched in any way, I’d go to the liner notes, read them, and upon seeing his name in the credits, smile and say, “I knew I knew that voice (or style)”. And depending on where I was or knew he was, I’d call him and say, “Hey, I just heard your work on the Stephanie Mills/Donnie McClurkin/CeCe Winans project” and then give him my critique. (As if, I was an expert music critic – hahaha) He always listened patiently and sometimes, would even call me and ask my opinion about something he’d done. And I was always honest in my opinions…much to his chagrin. But that kind of knowledge and honesty only comes with relationships that are nurtured and cared for over time. They don’t happen overnight. Today, Mark and I live very different lives and sometimes we go months without speaking with each other. However, if I call him or he calls me, even without caller ID, the recognition of the other’s voice is instantaneous.

There is another voice that I pray I know just as intimately – and that is the voice of my Heavenly Father. The Bible tells us, in the 10th chapter of John, that God’s sheep (or followers) know His voice and follow Him. It has been my experience that God talks to me in various ways – sometimes it is the clear “Kristina, get off your duff and do this”; sometimes it’s the fleeting thought that maybe I should take another route in traffic – or the constant urging to reach out to a long-lost friend. Sometimes, the voice is loud and distinct – other times, a little soft and muffled. But I am learning to listen, learning to act when I hear it. Getting to KNOW that voice. The greatest thing that voice will ever say to me will be: Well done, my good and faithful servant, enter thou into the joys of Thy Lord. Don’t you want to hear him say that to you?

Be blessed.

© 2011 Kristina E. Smith
Sunday, February 27, 2011