NEVER GIVE UP

As quiet as I have kept it, I have been facing some serious health challenges in the past six months, and as a result, have had to make exercise a more regular part of my life and schedule. Anyone who knows me, even just a little bit, knows that I consider “exercise” a four-letter word to the second power. NOT a fan, but circumstances dictate that I have to get over it, get up, and in the words of First Lady Michelle Obama “Get Moving!” So, for the past three months or so, at least 3-4 times a week, my eyes pop open, I text a message to my walking partner, and we get out there and walk around the neighborhood for no less than 45 minutes on routes that vary between 1.5 to 3 miles, depending on how hot it is as we walk through the door. (And believe me, it gets HOT early and quickly in HotLanta, where I call home). It truly helps to have a “partner in crime” when it comes to exercising, ‘cause it helps motivate you to do the right thing if you know someone else is dependent or waiting on you.

As the enemy of our souls would have it, my walking partner is on an extended trip right now – far far away – and although she still texts me in the morning to encourage me to keep up the walking exercise routine alone – it is not exactly the same. However, primarily because of the health issue, I have been faithful in her absence about getting up and walking. Yaaay me. It is a lot different walking to the beat of my Pandora app on my smartphone than it is discussing current news or personal life goals with a person, but that hour alone in the morning really helps me think through some current challenges – both personal and spiritual – and when I get home, I feel empowered and ready to start another day.

On a recent walk alone, I was debating whether to cut my intended walk short because it was getting warmer and warmer as the morning progressed, and let’s face it: any ole excuse to stop was welcome. My legs were starting to drag, my face was starting to … glisten … (I don’t sweat – that’s my story, I’m sticking with it!), and I had probably had only three hours sleep before my eyes had “popped open”. In reality, I just wanted to squat down on the sidewalk and wait for my fairy godmother to show up with a pumpkin-shaped carriage and whisk me home. But I ain’t no Disney princess and I somehow knew THAT was not about to happen, so I kept putting one foot in front of the other and continued plodding my way home.

I have a charm bracelet. On this charm bracelet, I have charms signifying significant events or aspects of my life: a stack of books (because I am a published author, after all – hahaha); a pocketbook with the inscription “shopaholic”; a flip flop; one that represents the Bible, etc. etc. I also have a charm that simply says, NEVER GIVE UP.

As I was walking, listening for the rumble of carriage wheels, I realized that, if I sat down and waited, I would be defeating the entire purpose of exercising. Motion would stop, the benefit would be diminished, and most importantly, I would not reach my goal – to make it home. How often is our Christian experience and walk with God the same? How many times, along your journey with the Lord, have you just wanted to sit down, take a break, and wait for Him to show up and magically whisk you out of whatever situation you find yourself in? If you are like me, probably more often than you’d like to admit.

Just like I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other to make it back to my home at 5036 in Decatur, we have to keep “Pressing on the Upward Way” in our Christian walk in order to make it to our spiritual goal: our home known as heaven. Yes, sometimes (it seems like) the walk is full of more hills (yea, even mountains!) than valleys. Sometimes the heat is on and you feel sluggish and lethargic and wore plumb out. Your legs feel like anchors are attached to them and there seems like there is no end to the torture in sight. But, as my charm says, “Never Give Up” – keep pressing, keep climbing, keep moving. Your reward is right around the corner, nearer than you think or believe.

Be blessed.


©2012 Kristina E. Smith

DIVINE APPOINTMENTS

I am a big fan of the essay series, THIS I BELIEVE. I keep saying I am going to submit an essay, but am not sure which “truth” about my life and belief system is the core foundational belief that supersedes every other belief. I believe in the theory of reciprocity. I believe I am “the” Favorite. I believe in the power of music – and food – and coffee. I believe the life is too short to keep people in your life who make you cry. And as Kevin Costner famously said in his movie, BULL DURHAM, “and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.” (yeah, it’s been a while since that has been a reality in my life, but I still believe in them.) I do NOT believe in “fate”, “luck” or “coincidences.” Instead, increasingly, I believe in “divine appointments.” I believe that God puts people in our path for specific divine interactions and purposes if we will just open ourselves up to the possibilities.

For most of my life, I have never felt “comfortable” witnessing to others about my relationship with God. I have never been a person who could just pass out a track or start up a conversation with random strangers about my relationship with God and what it means to me. I tend to be more of a “let my life show my relationship” type of witnesser. That doesn’t mean that I won’t talk about God with my friends, but the random stranger – yeah, not so much. Even with this blog, I feel like I am talking to my friends who already know me (and my craziness), so it is easy to talk about it. And even though increasingly more and more “strangers” are reading my thoughts and opinions, I guess I feel like I am a step removed from the witness. But because God has a sense of humor when it comes to dealing with His Favorite Child (that would be me), He has begun placing me in situations where I am compelled to speak up and out about Him.

This past Monday, I had a meeting at the bank to refinance my home. Before meeting with the attorney who would be handling the closing, I had a brief conversation with the mortgage broker, Mr. Carter, who’d been holding my hand through the process for the last month. During the course of our interactions, Mr. Carter had become aware of the release of my book and in fact, has a copy of the book in his possession. He asked how book sales were going and chastised me for not “shamelessly promoting [yourself] and the book every chance [you] get.” With that condemnation ringing in my ears, I walked into the refinance room and spent a good 45 minutes with the closing attorney, Mr. Jones. At the end of signing my life away (again) so that Mom and I could continue to have a roof over our heads (but at a lower interest rate and therefore, lower monthly payment – woo hoo!), I casually mentioned that I’d just published a book, and handed over a marketing card. When Mr. Jones asked what the book was about, I told him that it was about my relationship with Christ and how He shows up in my life in very simple, everyday, ordinary ways, but how that in itself is extra-ordinary to me.

All of a sudden, this ruddy Irish man turned even redder in complexion and his eyes filled with tears. Very quietly he said to me, “You don’t know how much I needed to hear that. Everyone has trials in their life and I am going through a very rough time in my life right now and today has been especially hard for me. I truly appreciate what you just said to me.” I was stunned! For 45 minutes, this man had laughed and joked with me and made what could have been a tedious process “enjoyable.” I would have never guessed he was “going through” anything. And if I had stayed true to form, I would have never opened up to him about me, my book or my relationship with Christ.

But God had a different plan – for me and for Mr. Jones and even for Mr. Carter, who feed into me that I needed to “shamelessly promote” myself – which led to the conversation that Mr. Jones and I were supposed to have. I am glad that I listened to the prompting and stepped outside my normal comfort zone in order to be a blessing.

And just as I was placed in the Wells Fargo bank on Monday, recently, two of my co-workers were placed in my path to bless me when I needed it. Without going into detail, a great big “thank you” to Marques Richards and Tamara Cotton for feeding into my soul when I needed the blessings they gave to me. Even when you are “the Favorite”, you need human encouragement and consolation and when I needed it, these two people gave it to me and I am forever grateful.

As you move through your day, I encourage you to keep your eyes open for the “divine appointments” God has set up for you. You will be blessed, as will the people with whom you interact.

Be blessed.

©2012 Kristina E. Smith

KILLING ME SOFTLY

It is a well-known fact that I am a lover of music – all music – well, except hip hop, rap, heavy metal rock, but (to me) most of that is just “noise” and not music anyway, so like I said, I am a lover of music. I have been blessed to have seen some phenomenal artists in my life. Classic foundational artists like the late Etta James, the incomparable Nancy Wilson (BEST CONCERT EVER!!!), and the amazing Harry Belafonte. Contemporary greats like the late Luther Vandross, Anita Baker, Jill Scott, Will Downing and Lalah Hathaway. Gospel giants like Commissioned, Take 6 and Richard Smallwood. And some lesser known (or critically acclaimed) artists like Bobby McFerrin (he has done sooo much more than DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY), Hiroshima, Pieces of 8, Dianne Reeves and Alex Bugnon.

Recently, a good friend (and fellow music-phile) and I were discussing which artists (living and dead) we really wanted to see in concert – and topping both of our lists was the legendary Roberta Flack. Every time she has ever performed in Atlanta, it has been on a Friday night – and as a “good Adventist Christian”, I have never been able to go. So, imagine my absolute JOY at hearing that she would be performing at this year’s Dogwood Festival – in a FREE concert – on a SATURDAY!! Granted, it was 7p – well within the Sabbath hours – BUT we’re talking about ROBERTA FLACK!!! Surely, God will understand.

And let me just say before I go any further: I think God does understand. But now is not the time for me to go into a long discourse about the holiness of the Sabbath hours and how most Adventists (whether they will admit in polite company or not) have a HARD time keeping ALL the hours of the Sabbath holy, especially in the summer months when the Sabbath hours don’t end until well into the night. That needs a whole blog to itself.

So, I hear about the concert and I start making my plans. I call my good friend to see if he can come to Atlanta to go with me. Nope. I call a girlfriend to see if she will go with me. Nope, she has a conflict. And while my mom’s eyes sparked for a moment, she bailed on going with me as well. The time of the concert is growing closer and closer – what’s a girl to do? For the record, I am not scared to go places by myself, but Piedmont Park (the venue of the festival) can be a little sketchy when the lights go out. Not sure EXACTLY where in the park Ms. Flack would be performing, I was anxious about parking and traffic and … you guessed it … I talked myself out of going by myself. Which turned out to be the wisest course of action. Right about the time of the concert, the skies above opened in a torrential downpour – well, in my neighborhood anyway. So, I took that as a sign that it was a good thing that I kept my happy behind at home.

Two days later, hearing people who went down to the park for the festival and who talked about the concert, I don’t think I missed anything (except checking that item off my “bucket list”). I have a feeling that Ms. Flack will come back to Atlanta before either she or I die – and it will be in a comfortable theatre venue with adequate parking on a night when I don’t have a conflict of conscience and when I will have a friend that will go along with me. I think God will make that happen for me.

What do you think?

Be blessed.

©2012 Kristina E. Smith

SITTING ON A SHELF

As a “published author”, it PAINS me to write the following sentence: I have become a “collector” of books, as opposed to a “reader” of books. Argh! How did that happen? The whole purpose of books is for them to be read, enjoyed, and passed along to others to enjoy. I blame two good friends, the Brown sisters of Nashville, TN, for this new flaw in my reading habits. Well, them and the Kindle app on my Samsung Galaxy phone. Thanks to Kindle, it is easy to download books to my phone and tablet for “later enjoyment”. Thanks to the Brown sisters, I am now subscribed to two email lists that tell me about FREE books to download and enjoy. (PixelInk and InspiredReads). So, I currently have over 100 books just sitting on my “shelves” waiting to be read.

And that doesn’t even take into consideration the books that I have borrowed, renewed and still returned unread to my local public library recently. Yes, I still believe in the public library and REAL books. With the advent and popularity of e-books, a lot of people have moved away from the pleasure of holding a book in their hands, smelling the pages, and then curling up on the couch, in the bed, in a chair – and reading. Until recently, I could have said, NOT ME, but lately … I haven’t taken or made the time to do what I used to love to do.

Granted, it was a lot easier to find the time to read when I was using public transportation to commute back and forth to work. That was a guaranteed 30-45 minutes, twice a day, where I could get some reading in (if the rocking sway of the bus didn’t put me to sleep). It is a little harder to carve out the time to read now that I work an overnight shift and have to drive myself to and from work. (Oh the horror!)

Having just published my first book, I have a whole ‘nuther perspective. Was it worth pouring out heart and soul into a book if no one reads it? Several of my friends very enthusiastically purchased copies of my book when it was released – and I am extremely grateful for their support. I solicited feedback and have been humbled by some of the stories I have been told about how friends have been blessed by reading something I wrote. (God amazes me constantly that He trusts sinful beings like me to help promote Him, but that’s the subject for another blog on another day.) But, I have also been surprised to hear some of these same friends (when I ask them for feedback) tell me, “Oh, I haven’t started reading it yet”, followed by the reason the book is now sitting on their coffee table or bookshelf, waiting. And while I understand it – after all, I bought a book to support a fellow author friend of mine recently and haven’t cracked the spine once – there is always a moment of “well, why did you buy the book if you weren’t going to read it?”

I wonder if that is how God feels when we don’t pick up the book He wrote especially for us? The Bible is consistently the number one best-selling book in the world – and yet, how many of us are guilty of buying it and then putting on a shelf – forgotten and unread? I know I am guilty. I have various versions of the Bible – each one purchased with the intent of “this time, I’m going read this through”. Yeah, I have YET to read the entire Bible through in a year, no matter what version I have to read. I wonder if God sits there and shakes His head that He has provided all the guidance, instruction, encouragement, and examples we need to make it through any situation – and we don’t access it because our Bibles sit on the shelves, instead of being in our hands and hearts.

So, while it’s all well, good and convenient to have all the books I have in my virtual and literal collections, I think I will be better served when I actually start reading them. What do you think?

Be blessed.

©2012 Kristina E. Smith

$640 Million Dollars of Crazyness

There’s a madness going on across the country as I write this. In 43 states (plus the U.S. Virgin Islands), for the cost of a $1.00 ticket, people are purchasing a chance to win $640 million dollars – or a portion thereof. A CHANCE, not a guarantee to win, a CHANCE. Foolishness, if you ask me. But, tune into the local or national news, log on to Facebook, or turn on your cell phone to check your tweets on Twitter, and the #1 topic of conversation is, “did you buy your ticket?”, “what would you do if you won that much money?”, or the pleas from those who are not buying tickets to be remembered by the friends who are buying tickets – you know, just in case they win.

I call it foolishness because while there is the potential that SOMEONE (or a group of someones who have pooled their money together so that they can have access to a larger number of potential winning tickets) will win the money – the greater reality is that NO ONE will win, and we will start the foolishness all over again, for a larger jackpot, on tomorrow evening. I mean, the jackpot didn’t grow to $640 million with winners along the way – it grew that large because NO ONE has won it in a while. I will make a confession here – when the lottery hits the $200 million dollar mark, I usually buy a ticket or two, but with the full knowledge that my purchase more than likely will be a donation to my state’s education program (the Hope scholarship) as opposed to a life-changing windfall into my personal bank account.

And don’t get it twisted, THAT MUCH MONEY – yeah, it will change your life, your family’s life, your friends’ lives, the people who want to be your new best friends’ lives, and on and on and on. People will look at you differently – “relatives” you never knew about will crawl out from under every rock in your garden – people will want to help you spend, invest, and waste your newfound fortune – and just for the record, you will become your own worst enemy because unfortunately, the reality is: if you don’t know how to handle the few hundreds of dollars that flow through your hands twice a month (if you are blessed to be working), you truly ain’t gonna know how to handle $640 million dollars if it were to come your way. We have all heard the stories of the millionaires who are broke in a year because they didn’t know how to manage the funds they were “blessed” with.

I don’t mean to be a pessimist, but I am a realist. The cold hard facts are that money is not the great equalizer we all seem to think it is – in reality, it can be a curse more than a blessing. I am convinced that one reason God didn’t/hasn’t blessed me with great fame, wealth and fortune is that I might not be able to handle it in a way that adequately represents Him and His character. I am already enough of a “don’t worry, I got this” kind of girl – and that is on a Kool-Aid and soda budget. Can you imagine how off the hook I might become if I had a champagne and caviar kind of budget? Yeah, I am sure that is why God is keeping me humble, and I thank Him for it.

For the record, I am not condemning anyone who buys a ticket for tonight’s drawing. It is my prayer that God’s will be done. If one of my friends wins, I will be happy for them and will strive my best not to treat them any differently than I treat them now. (Which means, if I ain’t never asked you for money to help me pay my rent, don’t expect me to come to you now with hand out asking for help. Not gonna happen.) And if you don’t win, I’ma still love you the same way as I do now.

Thanks and be blessed.

© 2012 Kristina E. Smith

Jesus is NOT my husband!

Ok, this is a vent for single women of a certain age who have not always been chaste and are now (unwillingly at times) in the throes of a celibate life…yeah, I’m talking about ME. (and from a conversation I had at church today, I am not alone and I may be talking about you as well.)


This week, the study for our church was about LOVE STORIES found in the Bible and how these stories reveal God’s “romantic side.” The facilitator of the program loaded the choir loft (and the first few rows of one side of the church) with couples from the church, and then had a panel discussion with four couples (married for as few as 2, and as many as 27, years) about the love stories in the Bible – as well as their own love stories. Don’t get me wrong: the program was beautifully done and the information shared by the four couples was funny, informative and insightful. BUT, as I sat there, I thought, “don’t none of this apply to me. What about the single women (and men) of the church who are striving (now) to do the right thing and struggling? How are we supposed to relate to God’s examples of romantic love in the Bible?” In venting to one of the panel members after the program, she turned to me and calmly said, “Well, Jesus is your husband.”

WHAT THE HECK?! Without thinking, pausing, considering – I immediately said (with great emphasis and sternness in my voice): “JESUS IS NOT MY HUSBAND! And the very fact that you would say that to me is exactly what is wrong with this picture!” She then looked at me and told me that if He wasn’t my husband, He should be. Ok, maybe because she has been married for 27 years to a wonderful man, and she has never been a “single woman of a certain age”, she just cannot relate to where I am and what I was saying. And while I accept that, I don’t have to like it.

Let’s be honest here – I understand what she was trying to say. We SHOULD have an intimate relationship with God, we SHOULD put Him first in our lives, He SHOULD be the “end all, be all” of our lives – I get that, BUT Jesus is NOT there to snuggle with in the middle of the night when you just want a human touch. Jesus cannot take you out on Valentine’s Day (or any other “couple-mandated” night). Jesus cannot hold your hand as you walk down the street. You cannot show up to the “married lovers retreat” and say, “I’m here with Jesus because He is my husband.” And to be frankly honest, Jesus isn’t there to soothe the raging hormones that may overtake your body in the wee hours of the morning. Again, maybe when you have been married for 27 years, you just don’t remember what it’s like to be single, because surely if you remembered, you wouldn’t say such a thing to your single friend who is struggling.

In talking with my mother about this later, she said to me that it is the same for her as a divorced woman in the church – and then we expanded it to widows and widowers. While our church celebrates marriage and married couples (and they should – marriages are taking a hit everywhere – seeing couples that are committed to each other is a wonderful thing), I just feel the church (and the members thereof) should also recognize and celebrate those of us who are not married – some by choice, some by circumstance. We have just as much to offer and to bring to the table as our married friends and contemporaries.

Ok, that’s my vent. Thanks for listening.

©2012 Kristina E. Smith

Praising v. Bragging

I find myself in a particularly peculiar place in my life.  That is really not THAT unusual, but it seems so right now.  If you are a regular reader of this blog - or one of my many Facebook friends - you probably know that I recently published a book based on the first three years of writings on this blog.  (SIDENOTE:  The four year anniversary of the first post on this blog is next week!  Can you believe that!?  I cannot.)

It has been an amazing time since the book launched on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and on my personal website last month.  I have several testimonies I could share with anyone willing to listen, BUT I wonder/worry that I might become that person that I abhore - you know the one who ONLY talks about themselves, their accomplishments, their achievements - the person who starts every sentence with the personal pronoun "I".  And while I want to share every step of the amazing journey that God has placed me on, when does "sharing my testimony" become "bragging"?  I find it to be a very thin tightrope that I walk on on a daily basis lately.

When my grandmother was alive, this very subject would often be the topic of our Sunday morning conversations.  She was often the recipient of gifts - often monetary - from loved ones and friends, and she loved to go to church and "testify of the Lord's goodness", but I would sometimes have to caution her that her testimonies sometimes (ok, honestly - more often than not) tended to lean towards bragging about what her granddaughter had done for her - or what her "beloved Arons girls" had sent her in the mail that week (money, flowers, or other gifts).  She often wondered why the fellow members of her church congregation were not as excited to hear her testimony as she was to give it.  Maybe it's because, while people want to be happy for you when you are blessed, sometimes how you tell the story may turn them off.

So, now I find myself in a position of what do I share about what is going on with the book, without being

braggadocios

As I often do, I posed this question to my Facebook family of friends and while I only got a few responses, the responses I got were right in line with what/how I feel about the matter.  My cousin Kim gave a response most in line with my way of thinking.  She said, "Bragging = When the focus is on what YOU are accomplishing instead if what HE Is accomplishing for you and through you. Got to constantly ask yourself 'WHO am I putting the spotlight on, who is receiving the glory with this report?' If it is all about you, the focus has to change."  And my college friend Linda stated, "I believe it's all about your intent. Some people view the entire praise/prayer request as a time to gain attention. I think a good judge of your own intent is simple: When in the quiet of your own home sans audience, are you saying as much or more? If so, it's not bragging!"  So, according to both of these wise women, it all comes down to MOTIVES, which is something I firmly believe, and strive to remember as I go through my days.  

I want to believe that my true intention behind sharing the stories about all the amazing things happening in my life now is to point the listener to my Heavenly Father, and to bring honor and glory to HIS name (not mine).  So, I'm gonna keep praising His name and sharing the stories with anyone who will listen.  BUT, I am holding my friends accountable for holding my feet to the fire.  If you ever hear me giving myself the praise and glory - uh, pull a sista up and remind me that it ain't about me, and that nothing I do is worthy of the glory God is bestowing upon me.  I could not do it without Him and His blessings on my life and I am ever mindful of that.  I trust that you will do your part to keep me honest, so I thank you in advance.

Be blessed!about it?  When does sharing the good news of the seeming success of the book begin to turn the stomachs of my longsuffering friends and family?  Is it really necessary (or even desirable) to share the daily events that make my mouth (literally) drop open in amazement at how God is working out His plan for my life right now?  And while my friends may want to hear it initially, when will they start screening my calls with their Caller IDs because they don't want to hear (AGAIN) about what is going on with the book?  And yet, if I don't praise the Lord for what is happening, aren't I being "ungrateful" for His blessing in my life and on the ministry He has thrust upon me?  I am not trying to have any rocks cry out on my behalf, so I have to offer up the praise that He is worthy of.  Do you see my dilemma?