Public smiles, private pains…

Today news broke about the death of actor Corey Haim. Only 38 years old, his life has been cut short. Initial reports said that his death might be related to a flu-like illness he’d recently been suffering from, but later breaking news seems to indicate that his death might be drug-related. Whatever the truth, 38 is waay too young to be dead, if you ask me.

For the record, I am not a big Corey Haim fan. Like every one growing up in the 80s, I remember him from movies like LUCAS and LOST BOYS (his two biggest films) and his exploits with his buddy and ever-present sidekick Corey Feldman. Almost interchangeable, the two friends even did a reality show (that I never had the “pleasure” of watching) called THE TWO COREYS. Reports of his drug use and partying lifestyle stripped him of reaching his full potential as an actor – and a person. In fact, when I first heard the report of his death, I stopped and thought, “I thought he was already dead.”

We live in a society where we glorify celebrity. Whether it is your favorite actor (Shemar, Denzel, Boris…I digress), or athletes or even the “stars” of those toxic reality shows that are so popular these days (really, Kate Gosselin or the “OctoMom”?)…if someone is on TV or in the movies, all of a sudden, their life is open fodder for review, speculation and gossip. All their private hurts, disappointments and failures become talking points over water coolers, in break rooms and even status posts on Facebook. Is it worth all the money, fame and accolades? I personally think not. It is difficult enough to live your life as a person without everyone in the world chiming in on how you are acting, how you have failed, whether you have low self-esteem or not (sidenote: can we just leave Mo’Nique alone? Geesh).

I didn’t know Corey Haim (obviously). Unlike him, I did not live my life in the public spotlight since age 10 (which is how old he was when he started doing commercials). I didn’t have hit movies to put on my resume, only to see work dry up and be called a “has been” before the age of 30. I have not squandered millions of dollars in income and royalties to die almost penniless with nothing to show for a lifetime of work. I haven’t turned to drugs as a way of escape. How sad that this is the commentary left behind on his life. I wish somewhere along the way, someone had pointed him to Jesus. Maybe the commentary would be different.

We are all going through something. We all, celeb or not, at times, mask deep private hurts with very wide public smiles. It is my prayer that when you are feeling overwhelmed and burdened, you have a Friend to turn to Who will see you through. While human friends are nice and can be ambassadors of God’s love in times of need, they are not always around when you need them. They, occasionally, have their phone ringers in the off position and their computers turned off. Or if your time of crisis is 3:00 in the morning, they might be asleep. I am learning to “go to the Rock” when the burdens of life get to be too much. Praise Jesus He “never sleeps, He never slumbers.” If you don’t know Him, get to know Him. He can turn those private hurts into true public smiles.

Be blessed.

© 2010 Kristina E. Smith
10 March 2010

Charlie and Eleanor…

Sometimes God puts you in position to be blessed and you don’t even realize it until later. That happened to me today. I was at home, feeling a little under the weather with a sore throat and some achiness. I was really debating whether I should call in sick or not. (Now, if you know me, you know that NEVER happens. I will show up sick and then go back home before I call in sick, so that is some indication of how I was feeling). Then my phone rang and it was my supervisor asking me if I could not only come in, but come in early. As one of the few notaries in my department, my services were needed in order to go to a client’s home to get some legal documents executed. Now, it is an “honor” to be needed, but I have to admit to some griping and grumbling at the thought of having to go in early when I wasn’t really feeling well…but I’m a trooper and it’s a blessing to have a job, so I gathered myself together and headed into work.

I won’t go into some other frustrations that happened along the way, but suffice it to say, there were several things that happened between the time I arrived at the parking garage of my office and before we arrived at the clients’ home that made me really mentally pray that I didn’t lose my temper and go off on some people. But I pulled it together and put on my game face by the time we arrived at Charlie and Eleanor’s house. And that is when I discovered that God wanted me there for a specific, not necessarily related to my job, reason.

Let me stop to say: I’m a little jaded when it comes to “true love” and “relationships” and all that mushy stuff. (See my previous blog about Valentine’s Day if you don’t believe me.) So that may be the reason God wanted me present to witness these documents for this couple. Married for 60 years, they are trying to get their affairs in order before something happens to one of them. More than likely, it will be Charlie, since he has some serious health issues and just got out of the hospital recently. Going blind at age 84, he is a very cute bald-headed Southern gentleman, very courtly and obviously used to deferring to his very bubbly, energetic, pistol of a wife, Eleanor. Watching them interact and seeing the love they have somehow managed to hold onto for six decades literally brought tears to my eyes. As Eleanor helped Charlie find the lines where he needed to sign, she was never exasperated when he missed the mark; she made jokes about how she was going to take all his money and run away with it; and made us all laugh by calling him “Daddy” throughout the session. Like I said, she was a pistol.

But it was Charlie that almost made me lose it. As we were about to leave, out of the blue, Charlie asked the attorney who drew up the myriad of documents that his wife just helped him sign: “So, are you enjoying your life these days? Are you finding a reason for joy every morning?” I think it stunned the attorney as much as it shocked me because he just stammered and mumbled a generic “Well, some days more than others” as his response. Despite his handicaps and whatever health issues he was going through, Charlie was still optimistic about life and what it still has in store for him – for however long God should continue to grant him life.

I left their home with a better attitude. Here I am – blessed with all my mental faculties, able to care for myself and my loved ones, employed for 10 years at a firm in a job that I truly to enjoy and love – and yet, I was grumpy and complaining because I was slightly inconvenienced when I didn’t want to be. And here’s Charlie, who has a lot more to honestly complain about, and yet, he was an encouragement to me without even realizing it.

Yeah, God puts me in some amazing places to reveal Himself to me. Maybe one day, I’ll go willingly and without complaining – not waiting until He reveals the blessing to appreciate it. Maybe.

Be blessed.

© 2010 Kristina E. Smith
Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Taking care of myself…

One of my favorite “just for me” activities is massage. Due to a really bad car accident in November 1990, I have lower back issues that can sometimes stop a sista dead in her tracks. As a result, once a month (at least), I go and get a deep tissue or (my personal favorite) a hot stone massage. I have been blessed to meet some amazing massage therapists who have great hands and I walk out of the massages relaxed and loose and feeling great. And because I cannot be anywhere without talking to people, it was through my interaction with my masseuse, Jarrett, that I found out about a Korean wellness and health center here in the Atlanta area. Jarrett kept telling me that I needed to check out this place: JeJu Sauna and Wellbeing Center in Duluth. Since Duluth is a bit of a hike from my house, I kept putting off going to visit. Then a co-worker of mine mentioned that he was going to JeJu in celebration of his 40th birthday and I was like, “Ok, this place keeps crossing my path – I must need to go.” I mean, if GUYS are talking about a place of relaxation as a destination – it MUST be worth the trip.

So, yesterday, I made the time to drive out to JeJu Sauna. Can I just tell you: The Korean culture KNOWS how to relax and put aside the cares of the world for a moment! It was wonderful. From the moment you walk into the place, you can feel your tensions melting away. For the low admission price of $25, you have full access to hydro-therapies (like hot, warm and cold Jacuzzis), dry and wet saunas, and then there are the co-ed sauna igloos – I cannot really describe it – you have to experience it for yourself. There is a restaurant onsite in case you get hungry or dehydrated. A swimming pool if you want to workout while there. And for additional fees, there are massages, sea salt scrubs (which one lady told me I HAVE to try, so you know I will on my next visit), facials, mani-pedi – I mean, talk about pampering yourself – you could definitely do it here.

I have to admit, I don’t feel like I maximized the benefits of my visit. I was so excited to be there and wanted to try everything and didn’t have as much time in my schedule as I initially planned. While I had a great experience, I felt like I rushed through my relaxation time. We "Westerners" don't know how to relax relax anyway, but I think I am ready to learn. JeJu is probably the place to learn. I was admittedly surprised, but pleased, by the vast diversity of the clients. I met people from as close as Stone Mountain and as far away as Poland. (I told you I cannot go anywhere without talking to people!) Young, old, Black, White, male, female - nice.

Talking about my experience later, a friend congratulated me on “taking care of myself” and I responded, “well, if I don’t do it – who will?” Every Christian knows that our bodies are supposed to be the temples of God – we are responsible for taking care of our temples. Exercise, diet, rest, (and in my case) massage – all of these are ways in which we care for our temples. We (especially women) have to do these things for ourselves in order for us to be able to take care of our families, friends and other obligations that pull and tug on us every day.

As I was laying in the salt sauna igloo, sweating a lot of toxins out of my system, I was thinking of friends and family who could benefit from an outing to JeJu, but who would probably not be interested because it is a little outside the “norm”. How many blessings do we miss out on because we will not step outside of our comfort zones? I’ll be extending some invites for people to join me at JeJu (already have) and let’s just see who will take advantage. If you are in the Atlanta area, I encourage you to check it out for yourself – and if you want a partner when you go for the first time, just call me up! I am sure I will be out there again…soon.

Website: www.jejusauna.net.

Be blessed.

© 2010 Kristina E. Smith
8 March 2010

Prep work

Yes, another blog about food and cooking. Sorry, it’s just one of my “things”. One of the things that my non-cooking friends always ask me is “How do you find time to do all that cooking? It just takes too long to cook like that.” I’ll let you in on my secret: prep work. I could soooo be a sous chef. I truly don’t mind doing all the cutting and chopping and prepping it takes to make food taste the way it should taste. In a way, it is kind of relaxing – and a great way to work out any frustrations I might be feeling.

I was supposed to host a dinner party this weekend. It was going to be my way of saying thank you to the people who serve with me as host and hostess at my church on the first Sabbath of every month (with a few extra special people thrown into the invitation mix). However, I had to postpone the dinner due to an unexpected upper respiratory infection in the house. Unfortunately, this diagnosis came AFTER I’d done all the shopping and purchased all the produce and veggies I needed for the menu I had planned in my head. So, in order to preserve my investment, I needed to chop and freeze my vegetable bounty. Yes, this can be mindless and boring – and potentially tearful, if you are cutting up onions and don’t do it right (cold water is key). I am a firm believer though that the 30 minutes of effort it took me today will save me hours of time later. With the right tools: a flexible cutting board, a good knife, and freezer bags in quart and gallon sizes – it is a relatively painless task.

As I cut up the veggies, I was mesmerized by all the pretty colors, textures and smells and thought what a wonderful God we serve. Can you imagine how boring life (and food) would be if everything was bland and colorless and boring? I thought about how much fun God must have had as He designed red, yellow, orange and green bell peppers. What made Him think of the purple hue of red onions or the small tubular shape of scallions when cut on a diagonal? How did He decide that cilantro would have one smell and basil a totally different one? And how did He know that this particular child of His would love and appreciate it all on a sunny Friday in March 2010? I am so glad that He is a God of details, because details make all the difference. Especially in the world of food and food enjoyment.

I was also struck by this thought: building a relationship with God takes “prep work” as well. It is the little things we do on a daily basis that form the fabric of our entire relationship with God. Daily study of His Word, prayer and communication with Him, witnessing to others of His love – this is all “prep work”. Day by day, it adds up and eventually, those habits form the character that reflects God. And isn’t that our ultimate goal?

The time is coming (soon and very soon) when we will each be challenged to defend what we believe and why we believe it. Doing the work now to prepare for that time will make the reality of that time less stressful, scary and traumatic. Just as cutting up the veggies today will make preparing for my postponed dinner party in two weeks a lot easier as well.

Be blessed and Joyeux Sabbath.

© 2010 Kristina E. Smith
Friday, March 05, 2010

Making a choice…

I really need to make exercise a part of my routine. It has all kinds of health benefits, I usually feel good when I do it, my doctor doesn’t fuss at me as much when I can tell him (or otherwise prove with pictures) that I am exercising…there are benefits. BUT I HATE IT! Even as a child, the whole idea of exerting so much energy doing something that you would break a sweat?! Pure torture. I hated PE class, which is usually every child’s favorite subject (next to lunch). Not me! Send me to the science lab instead…PLEASE! The idea of getting undressed in a locker room, changing clothes, going outside to play handball or run or do gymnastics, getting sweaty or worse, clammy, then going back and doing it in reverse, and then sitting up in class for another 2-3 hours – YUCK! And while most kids exercise for the benefit of weight control, as a child, and even as a young adult, my metabolism was pretty high, so I could eat any and everything I wanted and it never showed.

AND THEN I TURNED 30!

Ok, did some switch inside my body just shut down, turn off, and stop working? My metabolism quit. It didn’t help that I also had major surgery at this time and part of the post-operative treatment was steroidal shots once a month for six months. Can we say uncontrolled weight gain? I cannot remember if it was 40 pounds in 6 weeks or 60 pounds in 4 weeks, but whatever ever it was, it was horrific. As was the way people started treating the “new, more voluptuous” me. My beloved grandfather stopped calling me “Sweetie Face” and started calling me “Moon Pie” or something equally disgusting. My grandmother would start every Sunday morning conversation with, “So how much do you weigh now?” and for the first time in my life, I was really uncomfortable in my own skin. People who didn’t know the medical issues I was having would say such kind things to me…like: “why’d you get so fat?” or “when is the baby due?” or “maybe you need to start pushing away from the table quicker”. Yeah, people can be cruel and insensitive and stupid. And it hasn’t stopped as I got older. A dear saint at church told me just last week, “I remember when you first came to this church (back in the late 1980s), you were so cute and skinny, but now you are so fat. You need to change your diet and lifestyle.” Really? Yeah, I’ll get right to work on that. Thanks.

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with diabetes. Ok, the absolute worse disease that can befall a foodie like myself. Suddenly, food (always my friend) is now my enemy. EVERYTHING I eat affects my health. This will make my blood sugars go up. This is what to do if your sugars ever drop too low (ok, never my issue. Mine are always high, which puts me at risk of eventually needing insulin shots to maintain good blood sugar health.) And the pricking of the fingers to tell where you are – yeah, not good. Of course, the easiest way to bring blood sugars down (and still be able to eat what you like to eat) is to get the blood moving, circulating and flowing. How do you do that? Yeah, that four letter word that has eight letters in it: exercise.

Now at 45 years old, when habits are ingrained and stubborn, I have to make a choice: fight this disease with all that I have – or let it win and end up with more issues. When I was first diagnosed, I used to say stuff like, “I’m gonna beat this because I love to read and cannot lose my eyesight” or “I have too many shoes in my collection to be an amputee”. I still feel those sentiments, so I have to do what I gotta do. It’s hard. Did I mention I hate to exercise? I will find every excuse in the book NOT to do it. “I’m too busy”, “My work schedule doesn’t make it convenient to exercise”, “I need a partner” (which is really NO excuse because I have several friends who are willing to meet me and go walking. Thanks Judith and Brittany and Ife and BuPee and…) I am the one who has to find the motivation to get up out of the bed, get dressed and out the door to do it.

So, I’m turning off the computer, throwing on some sweats and walking out the door. I’m going to walk around the neighborhood, take in the sights, and come back home. I’m not going to call it exercise because I hate to exercise. I’m going to call it…hmmm…making a choice for better health. Let’s see how long that motivates me. I solicit your prayers and encouragement.

Be blessed.

© 2010 Kristina E. Smith

Plugged in…

My Netbook is one of my favorite electronic gadgets (and I am a “gadget girl”). Smaller than the average laptop, it only has a 9” screen, which took some adjusting to initially – my eyesight ain’t what it used to be! But, it is more portable and the bright kelly green cover always makes me smile – it is such a cheerful color. It makes other people smile and take notice as well. I was recently at a restaurant working on something and a waitress remarked on the color and size. We had a brief conversation about cost and the benefits of having the smaller computer. I revisited that same restaurant about a month later and was served by the same waitress. She had forgotten me (imagine that), but she remembered the Netbook.

When my external hard drive and SmartPhone are connected on the left side and the memory card from my camera is plugged into the right side USB ports – it looks, acts and performs like its larger, more cumbersome “brother laptops”. It is command central. I can write my blogs, jump on Facebook, respond to emails, upload pictures, maintain my various calendars – all the “stuff” I do on a daily and regular basis. All of this works wonderfully well – especially when the Netbook is fully charged and/or plugged in.

Last night, I was working on something and I got a “battery warning” message that my battery was only 14% charged and I needed to change my power source or risk losing all my work. Now, from appearances, I was plugged in. The power cord to my Netbook was connected and from where I was sitting, it looked like the power cord was plugged into the electrical outlet. So, I ignored the warning and kept on working…until the next message popped up, “you only have 7% power – find a new power source.” A red light started blinking on the front of the computer and I figured “Ok, this is serious.” So I unplugged the power cord and plugged it back in. Nothing – red light still blinking. I got up and followed the power cord to the outlet and discovered that the power cord was not plugged into the electrical strip properly. Once I plugged it in correctly, lights stopped flashing on my computer and all warnings ceased and desisted. I was able to keep working on what I was doing without any loss. (and Amen - Hallelujah for that!)

How many times do we “appear” to be “plugged in” when we are really running on batteries? From where I was sitting as I worked, everything “looked” right. It looked like the connections were as they should have been – and I initially ignored the warnings. Sometimes, we “look right” – we are going to church, we are returning our tithes, we are eating vegetarian – but if we are not doing these things with the right motives, it is a false look. Maybe that is why God looks at our hearts, not our appearances.

My good friend Shana told a childrens story at our church about being plugged in. She used a lamp to illustrate the point that unless the lamp is plugged into an electrical outlet, it is not fulfilling its purpose to shed light. Likewise, if we are not plugged into the Power Source of God, we cannot fully live up to our purpose in life.

It’s time for us to stop running on batteries. We need to heed the warnings and plug into the Source of all power, wisdom and might.

Be blessed.

© 2010 Kristina E. Smith

We’ve come this far by Faith…

If you are blessed, you have a church family that upholds you, nourishes you and supports you as you grow in your relationship with Christ. IF you are blessed, you might have one or more church families that do that for you. But if you are TRULY blessed, you have a connection with the Faith SDA Church in Hartford, CT. This is the church of my childhood summers and Christmas vacations and let me tell you – ain’t no church family like the Faith Church family!

Yesterday, I returned ‘home’ to Faith SDA to attend the funeral of my godsister’s eldest brother, Jacob Almus Anderson. Now, I could write a whole ‘notha blog about Almus (or Al) and the legacy he left behind – the life he led – the service that was had on yesterday – it was beautiful and we had CHURCH up in that place on yesterday! Whoever said that Adventists did not know how to praise the Lawd shoulda oughta been up in Faith on yesterday! From the music to the testimonies on Al’s life to the sermon by Pastor Marcellus P. Howard – I’m telling y’all – CHURCH! But that ain’t what this blog is about today.

It’s about the Faith Church family. My first introduction to the Faith Church family (that I was remember) was the little church on Cornwall Street, which was actually the second of three locations for the church. I am sure that I attended the Vineland Terrace location with my parents as a child ‘cause I’ve heard the stories, but my first memories of Faith are not until my parents are divorced and my mom shipped my brother and I off to visit my grandparents every summer and Christmas vacation. Contrary to popular belief, I am NOT a “son or daughter” of Faith, I’m a “grandchild” of Faith…but you would never know it by how I am loved by the members of that church (as I found out on yesterday). I didn’t grow up in Faith – my contact was annual, but brief and intermittent. I haven’t been back to visit since my grandparents retired to Florida in 1979, but you would have never known that based on the love, hugs and support shown to me yesterday.

My memories of Faith SDA Church are so much a part of who I am. They suffered through (and even applauded) my childish singing renditions of every Blendwright song I thought I could sing (especially IT’S RAINING JOY). They encouraged me to get up front and lead out during Vacation Bible School, which gave me the “confidence” to get up in front of audiences now – whether at church or work or in my career in the theatre. They fed me (and fed me well ‘cause Faith got some cooks up in that joint!) and taught me how to stretch a meal made for 4 into a feast for 10 – salad, lots of salad. They taught me that adults love children and just because they chastise you doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Where would I be without the loving chastisement of Sis. Pearl, Sis. Bell, Aunt Joanie, Uncle Walter, Aunt Deanna, Ms. Nancy, Sis. Howard, Aunt Lucy, Uncle Jake, Sis. Betty Sutton, Sis. Betty Mack, Kitson and Deb Richardson, my grandparents? The list goes on and on. Some of these saints have been laid to rest to await God’s (soon and very soon) return, but what a great joy to see and hug and kiss on the ones who are still at Faith – still faithful and still holding on to God’s unchanging hand.

There’s no church family like the Faith church family. They love you and support you no matter where you are – or how long you have been away. They show up in times of happiness (graduations and weddings) and in times of sorrow. I will never forget looking up at my grandfather’s funeral in 2001 and seeing the contingent of Faith members who traveled from all across the country to be there to support our family. Palatka FL ain’t easy to get to, and yet they came or called or otherwise showed their love and support. And they still do it to this day. My Sunday calls with my grandmother are full of reports of the calls she gets on a weekly basis from the members of Faith SDA Church.

Faith is not just what they named their church when they started it years and years ago. Faith is something that the members exhibit in their love for each other and their love for God. I am glad I am part of the Faith SDA Church family. I promise it won’t be another 32 years before I visit again. I pray you have a church family like this. And if you are ever in Hartford, CT, stop by 474 Woodland Avenue and tell ‘em I sent you. I am sure they will welcome you with open arms.

Be blessed.

© 2010 Kristina E. Smith